Tuesday, April 16, 2013

The Ides of April

Ok fine Uncle S, here's my hard-earned money you bloated, wasteful vulture. I know you can be counted on to spend 95% of it on things I don’t want or need. How long has it been since you’ve done otherwise? You’re truly just a sea of blinking, pompous idiocy. We all know it; even you.

I think if we took the past 20 years and reviewed every decision you all have made at every level, it would be absurdly obvious that this Republic would be overwhelmingly better off if we’d simply flipped a coin each time. Imagine that, good public servant, all your years of noble service, all your careful consideration of the issues that affect your constituents, and of course the appropriate and modest salary you garnered for the honor and responsibility of representing fellow citizens… and the entire fucking time we would have been better served if we’d simply entrusted all your decisions to a monkey with a nickel.

I blame myself as one citizen of many for letting you get so huge, corrupt and spectacularly stupid. You’re either so stupid it’s evil or you’re so evil it’s stupid. Doesn’t really matter; the results are the same either way. But it’s even dumber that I/we elect you based on advertising and inane media sound bites instead of actual results of representation and logical future plans. That’s our bad. Maybe we won’t in the future.

But in the meantime, go ahead… spend my money like a drunken sailor in a port city whorehouse like you always do. See you next year I’m sure. In lieu of the intelligence and dedication to actually figure out how to improve you I’ll just do what I always do in the ides of April… hope to god every one of you career-politicians eats something weird and wakes up tomorrow with just the absolute worst diarrhea you’ve ever had.

F-you. F-you for bankrupting my city, my state and my country. And for trying to do the same to me.

(But just so it isn’t all negative… I do enjoy seeing all the quarters with the fun graphics about the 50 states on the backs of them. Those are super neat-o! Thanks for doing that!!)


At 8:17 PM, Anonymous Woodlawnmedic said...

Who are you and what have you done with Latigo Flint?

(but on the other hand, I totally agree!)

At 11:42 PM, Blogger The Macek Collective said...

Checked back on a whim. Good to hear a familiar voice, albeit less parched for water and not muffled by jerky.

At 3:20 PM, Anonymous Mr. Scoop said...

Well, Latigo, normally I'd agree, but this week they filled in the seven-year-old pothole on our street. Granted, they did it by milling the whole street down, closing it down for a week, and then raw-paving it... causing the new blacktop to simply cave in where the old pothole used to be.

Which is why I have joined the local Mafia. Because it is damned hard to find a friendly gunslinger when you need one these days.

Sorry to be five months late, champ.

Mr. Scoop

At 5:17 PM, Blogger MJ said...

Yeah. Well, that was fun, off I go to bury my head back in the sand.

At 5:42 PM, Anonymous Uncle Tom Hurley said...

Damn, Latigo. It's been a whole long time since you've posted your cutting and insightful (inciteful?) wisdom. I miss it. Come back, please.

At 9:28 PM, Blogger randy said...

Hi, very interesting post thanks for sharing. Can I contact your through your email. Thanks!

randydavis387 at gmail.com

At 3:37 AM, Blogger Bottle Rocket Fire Alarm said...

I still think of you often, Latigo Flint.

At 6:52 PM, Blogger V said...

Latigo, my wandering mind wonders about you still. Where are you? Give us a sign. The faithful still listen to Dwight and care for you.

At 6:53 PM, Blogger V said...

V = The Once and Future Ari

At 10:54 AM, Blogger Booga said...

Though the voices in my head are few, a mother's gaurd, a young man's yearnings. I would be a yellow bellied liar if I didn't include Latigo among the gang.

At 10:00 PM, Anonymous Mr. Scoop said...

I am a Warren Zevon fan, and a drinker. So I came back here after listening to Zevon's tale of a doomed man from down by the river, who was quick with a gun but slow to withdraw his trust. Reminded me of someone.

Just checking in, chief. These are weird times. And we all could use a shooter on our side.

Hope you're well.


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