Monday, April 03, 2006

True Western Truth #233

Once a shootout began in the Squinty-eyed American West, it could only be halted by blood... unless one of the participants got a foot cramp. Even the rankest killers knew how brutal a foot cramp could be. They'd rush to their writhing adversary and help him out of his boot, all the while imploring him to relax and for Christsake don't curl the toes. The penalty for faking a foot cramp and shooting your opponent as he knelt by your side was the immediate impoundment of your horse and a five to ten-dollar fine. But it never had to be enforced and was just on the books for show. Faking a foot cramp for advantage is wrong, and even the desperate wouldn't sink so low.


At 2:00 AM, Blogger Lightning Bug's Butt said...

If I were in a gun fight, I'd fake a mean case of jock itch if it would get me an advantage.

But I'd never fake a foot cramp. Ticket straight to hell.

At 5:42 AM, Blogger Francis Marion Tarwater said...

One time I had a foot cramp while I was being mugged, and the guy wouldn't even give me a moment to sit down. If only we still lived in such honorable times.

At 8:52 AM, Anonymous Mr. Scoop said...

One time, to avoid a "swordfight" with some... thing I met at last call, I faked a herpe. Does that count?

In my defense, I was pretty Goddamned desperate,

At 9:12 AM, Blogger Cindy-Lou said...

Latigo, were you in Redwood City yesterday?

At 12:12 PM, Blogger Monkeypotpie said...

I've never faked a foot cramp, but I did once fake menstrual cramps to geto out of work.

At 11:22 PM, Blogger Latigo Flint said...

You're a good man LBB. You got sand and you got principles.

I feel your pain Solace Layfield. Bitter, bitter our too late births.

Well, let's put it this way Mr. Scoop--Doc wouldn't not drink with you over it... Earp might, but he was always a bit of a pantywaist.

Not that I recall Cindy-Lou. Why, would you like me to have been?

Bold Monkeypotpie, very bold. When are you planning to ask for maternity leave with a straight face?


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