Monday, August 28, 2006

In the Purple Gloaming

Because we're all so literate and mysterious and also sexy here, the mysterious and sexy word tonight is Gloaming.

Gloaming is a noun that means evening dusk, twilight. Gloaming comes from Old English, glom. (Which I believe is an acronym for Gals Love Ominous Men.) And sure enough, girls are all but guaranteed to find you literate and mysterious and also sexy if you use the word "gloaming" well.

"And in the gloaming a figure approaches."

Would be the perfect thing to say if you're walking back to the dorms with cute college girls and you see your roommate, Lloyd, cutting across the quad to join you.

When the girls hear how well you've used "gloaming" they're going to fall for you, hard, and barely notice Lloyd when he trots up with a wave and a smile for everyone--even if he's hunky and richer than you.

Nay, the only thing that cock-block Lloyd can do is attempt to use "gloaming" better than you.

Which, knowing Lloyd, he's likely to try. Probably something like:
"Ahh. Friends well met in the gloaming. Hello, I'm Lloyd; don't believe I caught your names."

Lloyd's a sneaky bastard.

You must immediately regain the upper hand with something like:
"Shh Lloyd, we're harkening the calls of night birds from out in the gloaming mist."

To which he'll probably reply:
"Pardon, I didn't know, I've been indoors since noon, but the purple gloaming called to me and I just had to take a stroll."

Lloyd's a dick. But damn if he isn't really good too. Why didn't you think of "purple gloaming"?! Hmm?! Oh well, that's fine--it's just time to stab Lloyd in the throat with the ball point end of a ballpoint pen now.

Murder obscurer in gloaming.

Why are the girls running away? Probably just being coy. Merrily chase them down. Scream "gloaming" a lot as you do.





(When some whiny Emo band hits it big with an album titled: Murder Obscurer in Gloaming, you be sure to call bullshit and remind everyone they stole the line from me!)

8 Comments:

At 11:11 PM, Blogger Lightning Bug's Butt said...

That's what I love about this blog. It's entertaining AND educational.

Add "gloaming" to the list of cool words I've learned here.

Gloam if you want to...
Gloam around the world...
Gloam if you want to-oo...
Without wings, without wheels...

 
At 2:49 AM, Blogger Helga von porno said...

That Lloyd sounds terrific, I may rush across the atlantic to tend to him in his dying moments, hoping to catch some inspired vocabulary use as it rasps from his punctured throat

 
At 6:49 AM, Blogger Sam, Problem-Child-Bride said...

We use the word gloaming a bit more in Scotland. It pops up in 18th century fiction but also in the pub when somebody tells another whiskey-sodden lie. I remember it most from Brownie (like small brown Girl Guides)campfires where Brown Owl used to lead us in flickering magical song.

If a man were to try and use the word gloaming on me (or "gloam me up", as they say in the Southern Uplands) I'm afraid I would hanker less after his sweet lovin' and more for a smokey marshmallow and charming sing-song. I might have a drink though. A Marshmallow just cries out for a good G&T.

 
At 7:08 AM, Blogger Ethan Greer said...

I particularly enjoyed this episode. Well done!

 
At 12:12 PM, Anonymous Strange Forces said...

Gloaming is a wonderful word, as is gibbous.

I'm also a fan of concatenate, abbatoir, avuncular and sesquipedalian. Acaudate is also fun.

I need to stop. Too many wonderful words, so many beautiful syllables.

 
At 7:27 PM, Blogger Amandarama said...

I'm glad you shared the definition with us. Without knowing any better, "gloaming" sounds like a euphimism for an unsuccessful blow job: "She was down there for a while, just gloaming around".

 
At 8:03 PM, Blogger OldHorsetailSnake said...

This doesn't sound obscurer to me; sounds like the stabbing was pretty much upfront. Anyway, it should have been "obscura," so you could take a picture of it.

 
At 1:37 AM, Blogger Latigo Flint said...

Rockin' it through the wilderness, are you LBB? That's cool--I can dig it.

Lloyd's a dick--rich, handsome, literate. I can't believe you fell for him too Helga Von Porno. I'm glad he's dead. I hope he suffered.

Whiskey-sodden lies are the best kind Sam. Did I ever tell you about the time I punched Patrick Swayze in the nose?

Thank you Ethan Greer. It was nothing.

Protuberant Strange Forces, protuberant. This is the amazing word I discovered when I went to look up "gibbous". God what a night. And I have you to thank.

But you never just gloam around do you Amandarama?
(By the way, I get you if your husband dies... he and I are just now hashing out the final details.)

More people would have seen if the sun had been up Old Hoss. It was more obscurer the way it was. (I know these Camera Obscuras... old, very old.)

 

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