Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Relative Time

One day Frederick decided that time was arbitrary and he promptly went out and ran a twelve-second mile. News of his accomplishment sort of took the track and field community by storm, until they realized that what Frederick called twelve seconds was really more like an hour and a half.

The World Track and Field Federation asked him to return his gold ribbon and placard and insisted that he stop referring to himself as "Fast Legs Freddy, World Record Holder Extradornaire" in interviews.

The next day in a prime time interview with Barbara Walters, a clearly agitated Frederick refused to renounce his world record on the grounds that he was in fact part Mayfly. Mayflies, he noted, have life spans of only a few days--therefore what the World Track and Field Federation called an hour and a half, was really only twelve seconds to him.

Barbara Walters did the math and admitted she had to agree. However she cut the interview short moments later when Frederick pointed out that it was really quite imperative that he mate before sundown and then rubbed his forearms together rapidly and started hopping toward her chair.

7 Comments:

At 12:12 AM, Blogger Sam, Problem-Child-Bride said...

Well it's a Tuesday. I go out and relive my care-free adulthood on a Tuesday so pay no mind to what follows. I'm tired and over-served, so I'm not sure anything will follwo.

People from the Southern part of the wee Scottish island I'm from (where dangling participles are as nought, NOUGHT to us) are limited in their choices for a breeding partner. Thus "Relative Time!" is a call to haste thee to the wedding of Sine and Murchaidh MacLeod (cousins of this parish) etc. to celebrate the fact that they are wed and their offspring stand an equal chance of being a genius or the village idiot.

Never count the fingers and toes of the Southern Harris folk, nor yet look them in their skellie eyes!

 
At 12:26 AM, Blogger Mom of Three said...

Sounds like that Matrix time.

 
At 8:37 AM, Anonymous Nicolas Papaconstantinou said...

Dang that Fast Legs Freddy, and his mussed up Shatner's Bassoon.

 
At 11:54 AM, Blogger Lightning Bug's Butt said...

I'm surprised that old coot Walters needed even that much coaxing. She's what sailors call "easy."

Hey, I just read your last few posts. Great stuff, Latigo Flint. I can't believe how busy you've been.

 
At 4:51 PM, Blogger Trevor Record said...

I'm more surprised that he was able to learn the english language during his short lifespan, personally.

 
At 11:36 PM, Blogger Latigo Flint said...

I totally understand Sam, Problem Child Bride... or at least I think I do. Okay, fine--I may not fully understand, but I'm definitely nodding and rubbing my chin thoughtfully as if I do.

Yeah Mom of Three, I guess it kind of is--except not really... well, let me back up, it is similar, except not exactly. There are differences but then again they're probably minor. Oh, what the hell am I trying to say? I guess the difference is Keanu. I guess the difference has always been Keanu.

I know Nicolas Papaconstantinou, right?

Thank you very much LBB. It comes at the expense of anything that might possibly bring happiness--like job security, a hot meal and female contact--but so be it, we only die alone once.

Yeah Trevor, Barbara missed that one--she was too busy nodding thoughtfully and tilting her head to the side.

 
At 9:02 AM, Blogger Ari said...

That was like, Kafka and stuff.

 

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