Thursday, June 15, 2006

A Hard Man to Know

Cute Starbucks baristas agree; Latigo Flint is a hard man to know. Dark, mysterious, haunted--he is a man of few words and he always keeps his own counsel. Latigo Flint rarely wants a pastry with that and to ask is just wasting breath.

It has been noted, by more than a few, that Latigo Flint moves across a crowded room like a seal through an icy harbor--graceful, muscular and with tiny, watertight ears that he folds against his skull when he dives.

Every so often when Latigo Flint's caffeinenated beverage is presented, the barista has forgotten to put whipped cream on top even though Latigo Flint specifically requested its presence. Latigo Flint doesn't ask for it again--Gunslingers only ask for things once. Instead Latigo Flint squints his steely eyes and simply waits for them to correct their mistake. While he waits, he rolls a cigarette and strikes a match on his boot heel. Often a faraway bell will toll as a hawk screams in a cloudless sky.

These days the reaction to an indoor cigarette is chilly at best, and frequently violent. Most of the time Latigo Flint has to move back through the crowded room like a seal across a Norwegian shore--flopping and lurching and bleeding from the eyes.

This one time, Latigo Flint thought he had found the cute Starbucks barista he was going to marry because she never forgot to put the whipped cream on. But then one day she did forget, and heartbroken, Latigo Flint shot her.

Oh, it wasn't fatal--but it was certainly more than sorry could fix. There are always repercussions to shooting people--perhaps not as severe as lighting a cigarette indoors, but repercussions nonetheless.

(Sometimes even when a room isn't crowded at all, Latigo Flint will move through it like it is.)


At 6:14 AM, Blogger Helga von porno said...

Very funny Mr Flint, especially the seal bits and the moving through crwoded room bits and the smoking bits, in fact it was funny all the way thhrough.

At 7:24 AM, Blogger Peter said...

How did that work out for you Latigo? shooting the Barista I mean, maybe if you shot a few more of them the word would get out and they would stop mangaling your testimonies.

At 3:14 PM, Blogger Lightning Bug's Butt said...

How sad that LA frowns on cigarettes more than gunplay.

LA freaks. Especially Rob Reiner. Meathead.

At 6:22 PM, Blogger Cad Grublygold said...

It’s a sad world when sorry can’t fix all, but oops works sometimes for gunshot wounds .

At 8:06 PM, Blogger Ari said...


At 1:07 AM, Blogger ThePaula said...

Latigo darling, I would like to see you move through an uncrowded room as though it were crowded

I imagine it is rather like that scene in Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas with Johnny Depp walking down the hotel hallway carrying his typewriter

At 2:12 AM, Blogger Latigo Flint said...

Thank you Helga Von Porno, I guess... however it wasn't supposed to be funny, it was supposed to be savage and true.

It didn't feel right Peter. I knew it as I did it, just as I know it now.

There ain't no glamour in this tinseled land of lost and wasted lives, LBB--no glamour at all.

You yet live dear Grublygold. Huzzah!
Oops is always an acceptable response, and it's a good thing too, 'cause it's often the only response.

Thank you Ari. It pays to have friends who are teachers.

Eerily reminiscent sweet Paula, well noted.
(And I also wake with a lizard tail from time to time.)

At 1:47 PM, Blogger Mom of Three said...

I sense you were born in the wrong century. I think you would have really made a name for yourself in Deadwood. Because there were so few seals there. And because you could shoot people without repercussions. Plus, you got to say "cocksucker" a lot.


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