Wednesday, July 26, 2006

True Western Truth #141

In the Squinty-Eyed American West, you often didn't know where your next meal was going to come from. Therefore, though it was definitely good etiquette to ask your companions if they'd had their share before taking the last biscuit, it was best if deep down, they all suspected you were the sort of man who'd gladly kill every last one of them for it. And the nice thing was that you really didn't have to kill all that many people in biscuit related arguments before the word got around. Seven or eight seemed to do the trick.

10 Comments:

At 8:38 AM, Blogger Sam, Problem-Child-Bride said...

Were there any instances of cannibalism in the squinty-eyed American West, Mr. Flint? Or were there lines that the men who had known only savagery would not cross?

 
At 3:59 PM, Blogger Helga von porno said...

I'm having a really nice laugh about this one. Its gentle and coming from my belly like a bower bird. I can imagine those gunslingers all sitting around some Oscar Wilde living room all psyching each other out wondering who will dare take the last biscuit. Love It. xx

 
At 6:42 PM, Blogger Ari said...

This post + Helga's visual = Bisquick commercial. You'll be rich! Rich!!

 
At 7:53 PM, Blogger Amandarama said...

Biscuits, when made properly, are totally worth killing over. Biscuits made poorly are also worth killing over. Because then I have to order pizza. And that costs money. Which cuts into my slush fund.

A girl has to have priorities, damn it.

 
At 8:08 AM, Blogger 12 Crumble Ave said...

It is a sad fact that a Western Truth such as this still applies so readily to modern living. At my old job the count was near-on 16 before people realised to stay the hell away from the last biscuit.

Times may have changed, but peoples stupidity in the face of last-biscuit murder stays the same...

- Mr Winston

 
At 12:42 PM, Blogger Lightning Bug's Butt said...

I once gave a cowboy a neck-rub for a strip of beef jerky. Not my finest moment, but I didn't go hungry that night.

So I understand about killing for a biscuit.

 
At 5:05 PM, Blogger The Heir said...

I think I would have gone with the old give 'em "the stare" as I reach down and pick that biscuit up and then continue to give "the stare" as I slowly chew that biscuit and then shoot the buggers so they dont even think about arguing... but thats just me...

 
At 6:52 PM, Blogger OldHorsetailSnake said...

I don't even like biscuits. So shoot me.

 
At 5:51 PM, Blogger talulah trashbag said...

Oooh. I'd rip out the odd spleen over a nice Jam Fancy.

 
At 10:13 PM, Blogger Latigo Flint said...

One word for you Sam, you problem child bride you, Donner Party.
(Oh, wait, that's two...)
Anyway, to answer your question: Yes, sometimes, hopefully not, but sometimes.

Thank you Helga Von Porno. You know, Bower birds are painters, unique to the animal kingdom. And any mention of your body is enough to turn me on.

Goodness I hope so Ari. Being rich is so much better than being poor. We should add it to my Sears commercial about the Falconer and start our own agency.

Yes Amandarama, and I fully support a woman's right to kill over dough done wrong.

Well said Mr. Winston. Your words are warm and familiar like a trusted old stove. The West may be gone but the savagery remains.

No shame in that LBB, no shame at all.
(And no act is gay if your eyes are closed... That's just what I've heard anyway.)

Yes, well, okay The Heir, but what about good etiquette, hmmm?! You're young, I forgive you that, but we mustn't ever forget our manners. Then we shoot people as a second resort and offer to clean up the mess. Manners The Heir, etiquette. We aren't the Irish you know.

No Old Hoss, not liking biscuits was a hanging offense in the squinty-eyed west. Biscuit haters weren't worth the bullet.

We don't have Jam Fancies where I come from sweet Talulah Trashbag. Is it anything like a doughnut?

 

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