Sweet Madness in the Songs we Scream
There's no great trick to insanity, no real mystery to unravel. You needn't ask questions of the wind or plumb the depths of hell.
There are many difficult things in this life but going insane isn't one of them. It's so damn easy that frankly I'm surprised more people don't do it.
You wanna know the trick? You wanna know the basic truth? Well, you came to the right place. Here's insanity in a nutshell (tee hee)--here's the fundamental aspect of madness that underlies all others.
Are you ready for it? Stop reading now if you aren't.
Okay then... here's the fundamental aspect of madness that underlies all others:
Everything, and I do mean everything, sprouts tentacles and grows a fangy clown face if you stare at it long enough.
Toasters: check. Laptops: check. Bus drivers: check. The Revlon Girl on the billboard: check. The list goes on and on--concentrically and then back in again.
So, soon as you see it happen--scream. And don't stop until the fangy clown face tentacle monster is dead, killed by your mighty screams, and/or the men with caps give you a magical jacket made of space age polymer fibers designed exclusively for the purpose of shielding the wearer from fangy clown face tentacle monsters.
Name your jacket immediately. It can't protect you for very long if it doesn't have a name. Whatever you do though, don't use vowels. Vowels are how the fangy clown face tentacle monster latches onto your insides. If you utter a vowel when you talk to your magical jacket then the beast is gonna tear you apart and lap up your lung blood with a bacteria tongue of festering doom.
Which is no fun, by the way. It's just really no fun at all.
I recommend you name your magical jacket: "Gggrrgffttsk." Although you can’t go wrong with: "Pllfflrrgghh" either. "Ssgrrfflkmnhrrgy" is risky… you know, 'cause of the whole "and sometimes Y" thing.
(Everything moves if you watch it long enough. And eventually becomes a fangy clown face tentacle monster. And some of the words are theirs. I am haunted by fangy clown face tentacle monsters.)