Tuesday, August 09, 2005

To Hell With Poetry Circles

Friends, I'm sorry but I won't be able to tell any new stories tonight. You see, my pet monitor lizard, Señor Sackett, has just impaled himself on one of my spurs and now needs immediate medical attention.

I leave you with the story about the time I was booed out of a poetry circle. That was a wretched night. Almost as bad as this one.

From the archives: 11/19/04


To Hell With Poetry Circles

Latigo Flint recently wrote a wonderful poem titled: "Don't Crap in My Mittens, I Have to Wear Them if it Gets Cold".

Latigo Flint attempted to perform Don't Crap in my Mittens, I Have to Wear Them if it Gets Cold at poetry circle night at his local independent bookstore, but midway through the third verse he was booed out of the circle.

As Latigo Flint walked home he started work on another poem called "I Sat Quiet in my Chair and Listened to Your Dumb Poems So You're Damn Well Going to do the Same if I Have to Kill You First", but he had trouble rhyming it and quit after the twenty seventh verse.


At 11:45 PM, Blogger Lightning Bug's Butt said...

Let me know how Senor Sackett feels, or how he TASTES, depending on how well things go.

At 7:09 AM, Blogger Joe said...

mmmm....toasted lizard.

At 7:33 AM, Blogger Ghost Dog said...

Golly, I hope Señor Sackett recovers. I heard that chicks dig Monitor Lizards. Or was it they are scared of Monitor Lizards.

Either way, you're better off with one than without. If the chicks are scared of 'em, you get to rescue the chicks, which is good and heroic and all that.

At 9:02 AM, Blogger tabitha jane said...

i tried writing a poem once about a lizard that crapped in my fleece hat. but the only thing i could think of that rhymed with lizard was gizzard that that didn't fit with the theme of the poem.

any suggestions?

At 9:17 AM, Blogger Dave Morris said...

You should have dispensed a kick to the neck of every last one of those booing, feeling-less bastards.

Godspeed, Senor Sackett. Get well soon. At least lizards are regenerative.

At 9:50 AM, Blogger Teaspoon said...

oops, was that you on stage then LF? if I had known that I would not have thrown the tomato at you. Sorry about that.

Hope Senor Sackett recovers though.

At 11:55 AM, Blogger Blog ho said...

it's all about spacing:

I Sat Quiet
in my Chair
and Listened
to Your Dumb Poems
Damn Well Going

At 12:38 PM, Blogger OldHorsetailSnake said...

"Boo" to poetry is the only kind of review poetry deserves. You should have known better.

At 5:40 PM, Blogger MJ said...

Are you sure you maintained squinty eyes while reading the poem? Somehow I can't imagine getting boo'ed while maintaining squinty eyes.

Get well soon, Sr Sackett! Your lizard's name rhymes with my middle name, by the way.

At 9:01 PM, Blogger amandapants said...

Yikes, too bad about the lizard. Lucky for me, I have been waaay too busy to comment today, so instead was going to re-comment. This is one of my favorites:

"I am certainly not a prude, but that is an alliteration I never want to see again."

At 11:11 PM, Blogger Latigo Flint said...

Señor Sackett is feeling much better now LBB. Thanks for asking. But hey you sicko, I would never eat a friend... (Okay, I did nibble on Sir Eduardo the Magnificent Otter, but I was very hungry and besides, he would have wanted it that way.)

Joe, see above goledangit!

It is indeed a win/win scenario Ghost Dog. You and I are on the same page.

Hello Tabitha, very nice to see you as always. Once Señor Sackett and I were trapped in a raging snowstorm. I'm not sure if that helps, but it sure was a good story... wait, what was the question?

You're probably right Dave. But it was a long time ago. Nothing I can do about it now.

Ah yes TSP... But you certainly were astonished when I caught that tomato between my tawny butt cheeks and flung it back in your general direction, weren't you? (Hell, I even impressed myself with that move, and I don't impress easy.)

Ho, will you please accept the position of my VP of Poematic Structure?

Well dern it Old Hoss, I have written poems that are simply magnificent... I shall NOT shit upon the art form, nor permit my friends to do so.

I thought I did MJ... Maybe not. (I did find out years later that it was actually a circle dedicated exclusively to Native American poetry... and in the second verse I implied that the mittens were made from papoose hide... live and learn I guess.)

Amandapants, you have just set the bar to a brand new height with your re-run comment placed upon a re-run post. Bravo Ma'am, bravo.


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