Friday, September 09, 2005

It's Good to Have a Plan

Hey, Latigo Flint does have a plan you know. He does. Some people think Latigo Flint doesn't have any plan at all. Some people think Latigo Flint is lost and drifting like a poodle in a blizzard. Well that's inaccurate. Those people are wrong. Latigo Flint is much more like a Montana cow pony in a blizzard than a poodle. Yeah it's tough to see in a blizzard, even for a cow pony; it forgets its name and icicles dangle from its mane--but lost, never! Montana cow ponies always know where the ranch is, and they shove their way toward it with unwavering gumption.

Sure, sometimes a big, scraggly tree will fall across the cow pony's path and it's so damn cold that the cow pony doesn't notice the pain at first and ends up impaling itself on the pointy branches. And then hawks eat the pony's eyeballs come first thaw. But that's pretty rare, and whatever this is a metaphor for probably won't befall Latigo Flint.

What was I saying? Oh yes, the plan! The plan (and it's a good one!) is to watch Young Guns, Silverado and The Good, The Bad and The Ugly--all in a row... and try to drink myself to death before the third credit scroll.

No, wait... that was last night's plan.


Let me start over please.

The plan (and it's a good one) is to watch The Quick and the Dead, Open Range and Unforgiven--all in a row... and try to drink myself to death before the third credit scroll.

Oh goddamn it... that was Monday's plan come to think of it.

Son of a--

Okay. Fine. New friggin' plan. The plan (and it's an awesome one!!!) is to watch Labyrinth, three times in a row, and masturbate a total of twelve times, six to Jennifer Connelly and six to David Bowie, before the third credit scroll.

Wait... that's an embarrassing plan.

Ah, hell with it, I'll do it anyway. After all, I reckon that's what a Montana cow pony would do.


At 3:08 AM, Blogger fourth_fret said...

I had an inclination you were not too particular as to whom you would pull your gun for...

At 6:13 AM, Blogger Joe said...

You're a better man than me, latigo. I'm only a six shooter at best.

At 7:14 AM, Blogger greta said...

Sigh... A man, a mullet and a pair of tights that are more an x-ray of contents contained within than an item of stretchknit leisurewear. I could happily notch up a good 15 right there.

(Don't even get me started on Connolly, the saucy little hornbag).

At 8:08 AM, Blogger Dave Morris said...

I have a painful visual of a horse jacking off to David Bowie. That just ain't right.

At 8:33 AM, Blogger OldHorsetailSnake said...

You remind me a lot of the Lone Ranger, except, of course, he'd be thinkin' of Mary Pickford or Theda Bara or like that.

At 11:37 AM, Blogger Lightning Bug's Butt said...

Not for nothing, but The Quick and The Dead sucked cow pony dong!

Those other movies, though, were magnificent.

If it's any consulation, I never had you pegged as a man without a plan. Why, you're the most deliberate man I know.

At 1:59 PM, Blogger MJ said...

Labyrinth is one of the greatest movies ever made!!!!

You can masturbate a dozen times in less than five hours' time!?! Wow! Latigo Flint, will you marry me?

At 7:47 AM, Blogger Monkeypotpie said...

You've left out Pale Rider. I think that could replace The Quick and the Dead.

Oh, Senor Flint, if you happen to run into Kevin Costner in your travels...could you run into him really hard, maybe knock him down? That guy sucks.

At 8:38 AM, Blogger Amandarama said...

A good chaser to Labyrinth is The Rocketeer. Twice the Jennifer Connolly goodness. Goes well with whiskey, but then, doesn't pretty much everything?

At 1:07 PM, Blogger Ari said...

Marathon arousal of a Squinty-eyed Gunslinger + androgynous Goblin King... a Magic Dance indeed.

At 10:01 PM, Anonymous Iconoclast Zach said...

Sounds like you haven't used Tombstone yet. That's a favorite of mine.

And, Latigo... are you sure you shouldn't be taking it easy for a bit? The best way for a cow to find out if it's starting to impale itself or not is to back up and see if it starts smelling blood.

At 7:56 PM, Blogger Latigo Flint said...

I must tell you it is not typical behavior Forth. But then David B. is not a typical man. (So pretty the Goblin King!)

Now remember Joe, the plan was twelve... I'm not saying I was successful.

Career Opportunities Greta... mercy! I swear to god, I lost time when I saw her ride that coin operated horse.

There is much wrong with our world Dave. Much.

I don't know who those gals are Old Hoss. But thank you anyway.

I disagree LBB. (Remember, there's a click just before the clock strikes.)

MJ, if squinty-eyed gunslingers were able to blush, I'd be blushing. But we aren't, so I'm not. By the way, twelve was the plan... I'm not saying I was successful.

There have been plenty of nights and plenty of plans Monkey. I believe Pale Rider was a third of the plan two Thursdays ago. You're kidding of course about the Kevin. No one would say such a thing to me in any manner other than jest!

Yes Amandarama, pretty much anything indeed! Dark City got it done for me too.

It was a good plan Ari. It was indeed. Thank you.

Hey Zach... Ohm in ma priiiime!


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