Thursday, September 01, 2005

An Ode to Beer

I shudder to think
that the next can I drink
has a chance of being my last.

It's not death I fear
but the absence of beer
and an eternity soberly passed.

The reformed do decry
life is richer when dry
and meaning is found in time.

How can that be I do wonder
as icebox I plunder
and stagger to cut up a lime.

This sorrow so steady
was forgotten already
the second my gut tasted brew.

All my cares they did vanish
to the morrow they're banished
and that's something TV just can't do.


Like a badger in gravel
this keg does unravel
All of my worldly woe.

It says 'yah' gloomy grump
here's a mug filled with sump'
that's sure to be fine don't you know.


beer is so nifty
uh, I think it's spiffy
I'd choose it over a million in bills.

Did I fully relate
how much I think beer's great
My soul wants to die when it spills

Shit that was a Heineken ad
now I feel so sad
for being a dirty plagiarist.

Well I'll fix that in short order
let me crack open a porter
was I sad? Ah, it's nothing I trust.

In summation I'll say
Wait, what? No I'm saying stuff here
Beer has velvety wings like a Smurf

Can is silver and lickable
Sliver had a Baldwin in it
What... shut up I'm writing a poem.

No I don't remember which Baldwin
I think it was Günter
Colorado has a mountain or two!!!!!!!!!

So in summation I'll say
carpet is beige
Cell phones smash when you smash them.

So in conclusion I'll say
Windows Updates now available
Click here to download updates

not in desk lamp we'll say
we don't know why desk lamp isn't in
round table knights scored with ladies

tropics and Spain
yay Spanish Main
Clipper ships. Old ironsides. Civil War gold. Civil War Gold would be a good name for a beer. I'd drink a beer if it was named sivel war goldddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd

I'll step twelve if I must
build a circle of trust
and pretend life is better when dry.

But if my sponsor is wise
he'll keep both his eyes
on my nose veins to see if I've lied.


At 6:10 AM, Anonymous FallenRanger said...

Gah! Now I'm gonna be looking for rhyming words everywhere.

I need a drink.

At 6:36 AM, Blogger Blog ho said...

Beer does has velvety wings like a Smurf, that's true.

loved the poem, it reminded me of the Def Leopard tour (the one in 83 of course)

At 7:39 AM, Blogger OldHorsetailSnake said...

Heroic! Do you call those couplets or triplets?

It is hard to grade something like this, when it starts out as poetry, shifts into strange prose, and then poems again. Odd. Maybe a 9.1.

At 8:50 AM, Blogger Dave Morris said...

Imagine how much better Tennyson, Frost and Foozy from Alley Oop would have been if they had found the poetic benefits of barley, hops and yeast.

At 9:19 AM, Blogger Cindy-Lou said...

Very honest and heartfelt, Latigo. I feel so close to you.

At 1:04 PM, Anonymous tmc said...


just a



ee cummings

At 1:17 PM, Blogger tabitha jane said...

i think i saw a beer named civil war gold here in the nw a while ago . . . wait. was the nw even around in the civil war? look at me, i was a history major and i don't even know if oregon was a state during the civil war!!!!

At 2:01 PM, Blogger Spanky said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

At 2:48 PM, Blogger Spanky said...

Eloquent as always. I posted a more in depth review on my site at: Latigo Flint is a master poet

At 4:13 PM, Blogger MJ said...

Yeah, careful there my devastatingly handsome, heroic gunslinger--beer does indeed do gross things to noses. Look what happened to the notoriously alcoholic Charles Bukowski!

At 6:29 PM, Blogger Lightning Bug's Butt said...

Latigo. Jeez. I forgot which blog I was reading because I had to make a sandwich. I read that poem and loved it. I could hardly wait 'til the end to compliment the author.

turns out, it was you.

At 6:57 PM, Blogger greta said...

You bust bitchin' rhymes old school style.
Take a hike Dr Seuss, there's a new Poet Laureate in this here town.

At 1:36 AM, Blogger Latigo Flint said...

The words stalk us FallenRanger. They bonk us over the head when we aren't looking and then scamper away. I'd shoot all the words in the gut if I could.

Well of course Ho... And you sure showed them that you don't need two hands to drum. (I'm going to show them you don't need a liver to write... crap, that's cliché, ain't it?)

Thank you Old Hoss; I'll take a 9.1. It sounds mighty fine in a eulogy.

Eight people in the whole world Dave--that's number of people who truly understand the comparison you've just made. Seven of them wish you dead. The eighth (me, of course) stands in applauding awe.

Yes Cindy-Lou... But what we feel and what we do are rarely the same, now aren't they?

But only a touch TMC, only a touch. Genius I'm not, and I'm half-likely to have served you a rank burger from a drive-through window sometime this month.

Wait Tabitha Jane! You mean Oregon is a state?! Well crap, there goes my next weblog post: Incorporate to the Union that scrubby timber stretch between Shasta and the Columbia River Now.

Spanky, do you know how happy it makes Latigo Flint to be called a "master poet"? No, probably not... seeing as it's only happened once in history. This is a monumental day you know. Thank you.

Hey MJ, my nose is already at least as gnarled as that, and shall be twice thrice as by last-call if I have anything to say about it.

Thank you very much LBB. It was me... and then again, it kind of wasn't. [Existential ramblings--about 4,000 words worth, go here.] Do you see now?

Praise from Down Under makes my night. I'm not even remotely kidding. Do you know this Greta? Do you know that Americans just basically want to be considered to be "cool", "snazzy", "top drawer blaz", by Australians? Do you know this?

At 1:40 PM, Blogger Ghost Dog said...

For shame, Tabitha Jane! You need look no further than the state flag (or the new-ish quarter) for your answer. Oregon was granted statehood in 1859.

Man, I sure could go for a beer.

At 3:10 PM, Blogger darthmoridin said...

Better than the Vogon stuff, to be sure.

At 8:13 PM, Blogger Latigo Flint said...

Yes, well, that's not much of a complement is it DMor? You know, seeing as people would happily off themselves to avoid listening to the Vogon stuff!


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