Dancing Like an Otter God

So last night I had a couple or forty beers and decided I was a triumphant echo--the physical reverberation of a glorious, low frequency pulse that no one else in the club could hear. Then I danced like a lithe and muscular otter god.

But apparently these days, magnificent dances don't count in the eyes of young women keeping score if you make a funny, scrunched up effort-face the whole time. And that's just unfair is what that is. Do you know how much concentration it takes to dance like a lithe and muscular otter god?!

Yes, you in the back.
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Twenty-four? That's your answer? You think it takes "twenty-four" concentration to dance like a lithe and muscular otter god?
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What's that?
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Or nine?!!!
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So let me get this straight--your answer is that it takes either twenty-four or nine, concentration to dance like a lithe and muscular otter god?
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Pardon?
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Oh, of course--times Patrick Swayze and divided by Jim Morrison.
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Okay, so your answer is that to dance like lithe and muscular otter god requires a concentration level of either twenty-four or nine, multiplied by Patrick Swayze and divided by Jim Morrison... Is that what you're saying?
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Right, well that's the dumbest thing I've ever heard.
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Okay, shut up--it was actually a rhetorical question, and now you're just wasting everyone's time.
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My readers, that's who.
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Yes, readers! Something like a billion people are reading this right now.
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Oh, I don't know, I think it has something to do with routers and TCP/IP nodes and maybe also witchcraft.
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Hmm?
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Oh yeah, it's amazing--it'll change the world and shit.
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No, they can't see you; they can't even see me.
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No, you can't make any money with it!
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No, you can't do that either.
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No, it's not like that.
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No goddamn it! You just type words and then one billion people read them.
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Well, that's about all--then you type more words.
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That's right.
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Now you've got it.
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Hmm, I don't know--what's the point of anything?
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Butter?! What the hell is butter the point of?
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Oh, right, churning. That was pretty insightful actually.
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You're welcome.
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No, we're going to stop for the night.
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'Cause they all have things to do just like us!
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Yes, well--they don't have to know that.
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No, actually they've only been reading my half.
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'Cause that's all I typed.
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Well then get your fuckin' own.
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Naw, it's pretty simple--username, password, type things and then a billion people read it.
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Hmm?
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Oh, how long until you've changed the world--ahh, better give it a week or two.
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Right. Three weeks at the most.
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Exactly.
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You're welcome.
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Yeah, good night to you too.