Raised by Wolves (Girls Can't Resist)

Nearly a year and a half ago Latigo Flint wrote the definitive work on the subject of how to get women by leveraging the fact that you were raised by wolves.

Sunday's entry (and a shrewd catch by an old friend named Slarrow) raised a few questions that hopefully this can clear up. Now some people, assholes mostly, might say, "Hey, that lazy bastard is foisting a rerun on us--and that's two wolf posts in row." But they certainly won't say it Latigo Flint's face, because life is short enough already.

From the archives - March 9, 2005:

*******************

Raised by Wolves (Girls Can't Resist)

Good evening. It's ridiculously easy to get girls if you were raised by wolves--provided you look and act reasonably normal now. So if you're the only one in your extended circle of friends who was raised by wolves and you don't have girls lining up to date you, then you're doing something wrong, and you should listen to what Latigo Flint has to say.

First, it's important that everyone knows you were raised by wolves. Your love life cannot benefit if girls aren't aware of it. There are certain to be old newspaper articles that tell of your discovery, running wild with the pack, greasy and naked and free. Editors love human-interest stories about children raised by wolves--they can't get enough of them. In fact, sometimes editors will abandon their own children in the hopes they'll be adopted by a passing wolf pack, giving them the scoop. Anyway, find and digitize these clippings and get them on this internet thingy right away. Try to get access to the video news archives and upload them or something. Whatever you do, just make sure it's not obvious that you're the one circulating all this material.

Second: For heaven's sake, don't go around talking about it all the time. Nothing turns girls off faster than a guy raised by wolves who won't ever shut up about it. The rule should be you never initiate a conversation about being raised by wolves, and you enter into such discussions reluctantly--as if it's difficult for you to speak of it, but seeing as you really, really trust the people you're with, (and dern it, some of them need to be girls, understand?!) you're willing to open up and bare your soul a bit.

Now, this doesn't mean that you shouldn't drop subtle hints every once in a while about the stark duality that runs through the very fiber of your being--that juxtaposition of two very different worlds that you must always reconcile. The point is you bear this burden alone, silently like a wounded beast...

Ahhhhhhh yes, you understand now--the girls must see that it's the wolf in you that prevents cheap and casual discussion about your mysterious past, and they'll feel very honored if you're able to open up to them. (And all the hot loving you care to sample should quite promptly follow.)

An example of a good subtle hint would be if you're eating dinner with a group of people on an outdoor patio or a window booth with a view of the full moon. At some point your burning eyes would lock onto its brilliance. Fork hand dangles in mid-air, jaws muscles clench. Turmoil! Without being overt, they must sense your inner turmoil. Then it's gone. It passed. You retained control. Your eyes lower, a flicker of guilt. You resume eating.

"Oh god, that's right. You're the one who-"
One hand will go to pretty lips, the other will rest on your arm. Your lean muscles should abruptly tighten beneath her touch, then slowly relax. (This will be the hottest girl at the table if you've been doing everything right, as I've described above.)
"Are you okay?" She'll softly inquire. You wait a moment before answering.
"It's nothing." Your voice should be low and emotional, husky even. Continue eating. Count to ten then make eye contact.
"Thank you though." This should be a near whisper.

Come on, I don't have to tell you this is gold. You may have been raised by wolves, but you're certainly not stupid. So go now, reap the sexual benefits of your lupine upbringing. No need to thank Latigo Flint, I know you'll make me proud.



(Make sure you remember your Wolf Mother's name. It can be a real deal closer if you bungle something on the way to the girl's house and she's hesitating about inviting you in. Just lean against the car and start speaking quietly about your den family. Shewa Kai Laif-Laif is a pretty common name for female wolves. It translates to Agile Slayer of Rabbits. Kanagrif Shree-Naip isn't bad either. I think it means Tundra Queen.)