Wednesday, November 24, 2004

If Latigo Flint Had Been There

If Latigo Flint had been there, Charlotte's Web would have been a much shorter story. (It probably also wouldn't have won the Newbery Honor Award for Children's Literature.)

Mr. Zuckerman would have told Fern that Wilbur was a pig, and as a pig he needed to fulfill his purpose, namely a bolt to the brain and an untidy dangle from a cold hook. Fern would have started crying and Avery would have laughed.

Then Latigo Flint would have stepped out slowly from behind the barn, a long stem of wheat clamped mockingly between faintly smiling lips.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you Mr. Zuckerman." Latigo Flint would softly say in his casual, yet deadly drawl. "That there is Some Pig. He's also Terrific, Radiant and most important, he's Humble."

Mr. Zuckerman would saunter over to regard the frightened swine. "By golly I think you're right." He'd pause to swat down and then stomp on a small arachnid that had presumed to take up residence in the entrance to his barn. "I believe we'll keep him with us for as long as he does live."

"I figured you'd see it my way." Then Latigo Flint would turn and leave as Fern cries out joyfully and rushes to embrace her uncle. The End


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