Confession Time

Latigo Flint has something he needs to get off his chest. Latigo Flint knows he'll feel better once he tells his good friends. Please don't judge Latigo Flint too harshly, it takes a lot of courage to admit this:

I would love to kill a dolphin.

There, I said it. I'll say it again. I would love the chance to kill a dolphin, one on one, mano-a-fin. (Maybe with a hatchet.) Not multiple dolphins. Certainly not all dolphins. I'm no monster. Just one dolphin. (Perhaps with a battery powered circular saw.)

I'm feeling much better already. You have no idea how long I've been keeping that bottled up inside. I know having such a feeling borders on perversion, but it's just not fair. We get to kill other animals if we want to, and some of them are smart and social too - why can't I kill a dolphin damnit?! (With a decoy mackerel and a ball pein hammer.)

How about if a dolphin attacks me? Then can I kill it with a bailing wire strangle cord and a steak knife? What if a child falls into the Dolphin Bay attraction at Sea World and I dive in and preemptively kill the dolphins with a pitchfork? In their curiosity, those dolphins might have bumped her to death - I would only be acting the in best interests of the child, right? What if I suspect a dolphin has rabies?

Anyway, thanks for listening. I had to tell someone or I'd have gone mad. I'm feeling much better now.

(With a bathtub drain stopper and some duct tape.)