Thursday, January 27, 2005

Just Hanging in the C.C.F.

Through a bizarre statistical oddity, Latigo Flint's cute neighbor has walked up to his open apartment door exactly three times for various reasons over the past year, and all three times she's happened to catch Latigo Flint in the process of building and/or playing in a giant couch cushion fort.

The disappointing part is that of course she doesn't know it's a bizarre statistical oddity - Latigo Flint knows that as a point of fact, those three were the only occasions, and with a very good reason behind each. (Equal parts nostalgia and turpentine huffing.) As far as she knows, this occurs 100% of the time, and must therefore believe Latigo Flint to be completely insane.

It didn't help matters that on the third and final occasion, Latigo Flint had his back to the door and didn't notice that she was observing his entire impassioned speech to the garrison's besieged troops (as played by silverware, several rolls of socks, a Woody from Toy Story doll and a Jeremiah Johnson DVD).

She must have taken an uneasy step back when the speech climaxed with a string of shouted oaths and Native American based racial slurs, for her shirtsleeve brushed audibly against the screen door. Mentally frozen in the humiliation of discovery, Latigo Flint could only think to offer her a sniff of turpentine... which she declined.

When Latigo Flint sprinted for the bathroom to obscure his complete nudity is when she made her hasty retreat. And I presume dialed Mayflower Moving Company only a minute or two later, 'cause the truck got there awfully fast.


At 8:00 PM, Blogger darthmoridin said...

Couch. Cushion. Forts. Rule.

At 9:09 PM, Blogger amandapants said...

Her loss!
Right? Right?

At 10:15 PM, Blogger Lightning Bug's Butt said...

You maintain unusual hobbies, LF, but they make for great blog posts.

I'm no broad. But I do declare that if I were, I'd serve up my privates to any man who built couch cushion forts and reenacted military battles in the nude.

At 10:59 PM, Blogger Victoria said...

"..100% of the time" I got chills, this is so FUNNY!

At 11:55 AM, Blogger Blog ho said...

the only bad thing about this post is that i now see that you're not quite as Latigo Flint as I thought you were. The Latigo Flint IN MY MIND would not be ashamed of fort activities.

At 12:10 PM, Blogger Latigo Flint said...

Well then you Sir Ho are obviously not looking at the big picture - See I'm Latigo Flint. I draw a six gun faster than any man, woman or child in history. I should be vaulting real palisades, pistols blazing, enemy dropping, not simulating it with a Jeremiah Johnson DVD and sock rolls.

If a talent wasted doesn't shame, then you're dead already.

(Plus there was a chilly draft and the "third gun" was looking more like derringer at the moment if you know what I mean.)

At 12:56 PM, Blogger Myster said...

Let me underscore Darthmoridin's impassioned comment about couch cushion forts by saying that when "Knee Deep in the Hoopla" came out, we built an arena stage out of couch cushions in Darthmoridin's family room and Darthmoridin choreographed a lip-synch routine to "We Built This City" to perform on it. He took it very, very seriously.

At 4:40 PM, Blogger darthmoridin said...

I like how Myster tries to distance herself from the Starship fiasco with that last added sentence.

At 5:08 PM, Blogger Teaspoon said...

I don't even remember the "Starship Fiasco"

Thank god for repressed memories, life is so much simpler with them.

At 11:25 PM, Blogger Wulfenjarl said...

Why Darth, I didn't know you had it in you!

(LF, dude, lay off the inhaling agents. It's better for the derringer.)

At 9:06 AM, Blogger Jack Mercer said...

Maybe she's just something of a prude. I play in my fort every day, Flint.


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