Thursday, February 10, 2005

Do the Math

Whenever someone tells Latigo Flint's friend, Kid Relish, to "do the math". As in "Well, what do you think - do the math." Or "Hey man, do the math - it'll never work." Kid Relish's response is always the same.

First Kid Relish snaps his head up and to the side and stands for a moment, finger to temple, lost in deep, contemplative thought. Then he whirls to face an imaginary chalkboard and pantomimes the furious scribbling of equations like a coked-up John Nash. He'll pause from time to time and step back to survey his progress. Tongue will clamp to upper lip, brows furrow - then with an exclamation of discovery, (typically "AH-HA!" But occasionally "Presto-pesto!") he'll dive back in, more animated than ever.

Kid Relish keeps this up for as long as the person feels like watching. The instant he or she turns to leave in disgust/frustration/anger etc., Kid Relish whips a small ceramic abacus from his back pocket and extends it to them. "Please help me double check something." Kid Relish says just as polite as can be. Everyone tends to instinctively reach for something thrust in their direction - the moment they do, Kid Relish slides his fingers through the abacus slots and uses it to beat their face and head into a bloody mush.

People rarely tell Kid Relish to "do the math" more than once.

A straight-shooting gunslinger like Latigo Flint probably wouldn't ever engage in such elaborate theatrics, but I can certainly respect Kid's style.

10 Comments:

At 11:26 PM, Blogger Wulfenjarl said...

This is very much too bad as that was one of my favorite responses to really dumb ideas. (For example it's a good deal nicer than, "What the **** are you talking about, you diseased moron?"

Well, hopefully Kid doesn't say too many really dumb things.

 
At 9:22 AM, Blogger Latigo Flint said...

Kid Relish says really dumb things all the time. (Some of them are dumb by design to bait people like you into replying, "do the math".)

 
At 9:52 AM, Blogger darthmoridin said...

Has Kid Relish considered anger management? I think it might be a good idea. Do the math.

 
At 10:19 AM, Blogger Kid Relish said...

(that was so not wise)

 
At 2:45 PM, Blogger Kilroy Trout said...

This is why I never shake hands with a mathematician, physicist yes, but math geek no way.

 
At 5:23 PM, Blogger Lightning Bug's Butt said...

Is Kid Relish your truty sidekick? I sense a delicious sexual tension between you two.

 
At 6:01 PM, Blogger Latigo Flint said...

What, and you never detected any delicious sexual tension between, say, the Lone Ranger and Tonto? Wyatt Earp and Doc Holliday? Blonde and Tuco? There's nothing unusual about it at all, do the friggin' math dude!

(Oops, that sounded waaaaaaay too defensive didn't it?)

 
At 8:44 PM, Blogger Cad Grublygold said...

Ummmm.....yeah, that was a bit
defensive dude

 
At 2:07 PM, Blogger Latigo Flint said...

Shut up Grublygold. What would you know about it!

(Dern it, there I go again.)

 
At 2:02 PM, Blogger Cindy-Lou said...

I never knew an abacus could be a lethal weapon. See what you learn during a nice long blog meander?

 

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