Wednesday, May 04, 2005

Turner Row

So that was an hour and a half of Latigo Flint's valuable time completely wasted. Trust Latigo Flint on this, the alleged Turner and Hooch/Skid Row Synch-Up is a dirty lie. Don't you for one second believe all the rumors flying around about how if you start Skid Row's self titled debut album at the exact moment Tom Hanks' character meets Hooch for the first time, the two will match up and parallel each other in an uncanny synchronicity.

Okay, I'll admit there are a couple of mildly interesting moments. The silence between songs 4 and 5 (Pieces of Me, 18 and Life) does match Turner's shocked silence when he discovers Hooch has completely destroyed his kitchen, and Hooch's angry barks when he's left in the car fall on backbeats during Rattlesnake Shake. The only other occurrence of note - Hooch is excessively drooling during the opening lyric to I Remember You, but come on, Hooch drools excessively 90% of the time.

Just three pathetic coincidences?! No wonder that little bastard behind the counter at my local Best Buy couldn't keep from giggling when he saw what I was purchasing. I had half a mind to vault the counter and pistol whip him so hard his future children are born mute, but I was in a hurry to get home and experience the famous Turner Row Synch-Up, which I now know is a dirty lie.

I'll tell you this much - if he giggles again when I return the album and the movie for store credit I'm gonna shoot him.


At 12:16 AM, Blogger Lightning Bug's Butt said...

Don't shoot him. Tar and feather him. Let the world see what awaits a man who mocks Latigo Flint.

Or, have The Kid take care of him.

At 7:46 AM, Blogger Lance Manion said...

I've found that "Remains of the Day" and 2 Live Crew's "As Nasty as They Wanna Be (Explicit Version)" synch up fairly well. The melodic strains of "Me So Horny" really highlight the unspoken tension between Anthony Hopkins and Emma Thompson.

But then, the relationship between gangsta rap and the films of Merchant Ivory is well documented.

At 8:33 AM, Blogger Gil The Carnie said...

Precious Moments figurines collectin' er' maybe learn interpretive dance. Seriously Gunslinger, ya'all gots ta' get a hobby.

At 9:18 AM, Blogger Cindy-Lou said...

But don't they call themselves the "Geek Squad" over there at Best Buy? Hm, and at Starbucks the've named themselves "barristas". Personally, I like "Taco Bell window slut".

At 11:00 AM, Blogger Bottle Rocket Fire Alarm said...

Try "Slave To The Grind," their critically acclaimed sophomore effort. It matches up much better.

At 3:54 PM, Blogger OldHorsetailSnake said...

Would it synchronize better if you got the movie and album at Circuit City? Probably you do need to branch out.

At 9:13 PM, Blogger Amandarama said...

Oddly enough, "Turner and Hooch" and "Rent - The Karaoke CD" match up really nicely. You can find it on Amazon. And it provides a nicely interactive component, you know, for those awful dinner get togethers where you're expected to actually socialize with folks.

At 10:12 PM, Blogger Latigo Flint said...

LBB, you're so right. I wish I had checked my comments yesterday... He giggled and I shot him. His daughter cried and then I felt really, really bad.

Lance old chap, I dare say true dat!

Hobbies, my fine Carnie friend, are a 20th century invention and I distain them. There was work to be done in the Squinty-eyed American West. No time for silly pursuits.

You are most observant Cindy-Lou. And frankly, I think everyone likes "Taco Bell window slut".

My god Steve - look at Hooch shake himself dry during Mudkicker.

Actually Old Hoss I'm quite certain the purchase location has little to do with the content of a CD and a Movie. (I'm going to try just in case though.)

For as long as I can remember Amandarama, I would rather shoot people than socialize with them. (I am intelligent enough to realize however, that this may have something to do with my current debilitating loneliness.)

At 2:46 PM, Blogger Ari said...

Dammit. There goes my weekend project. Guess I'll just have to sit here and stare at pics of Sebastian Bach instead.

How do you suppose you and he would fare in a firefight?

At 11:35 AM, Blogger Kid Relish said...

Ah Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!!!

"Woke up to the sound of pouring rain..."

Is the opening line to I Remember You.

I get it now - funny, funny stuff Latty.


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