Wednesday, August 17, 2005

The First Bank of Character

Girls you love but can't ever have are not a curse; they are a blessing. Consider them a large deposit into the First Bank of Character, and the name on the account is yours--and the personalized background on the check is you standing bare-chested and sexy at the top of a waterfall, ignoring the blood that oozes from a temple wound and trickles down your stubbled jaw.

Oh hell yeah pard'ners! Hell yeah I say!

Self-pity? Pffaugh! Who has time for such weaknesses? Certainly not us, no sir, not when there are tawny muscles to be flexed into the front edge rage of a savage gale. (And stuff!)

You know, I think author and naturalist, John Muir, said it best when he stared into the eye of an approaching storm from his precarious perch upon an exposed High Sierra ledge and uttered, and I quote: "Fuckin' Grrrrr M'Lady Fury. Fuckin' Grrrrr!"

I'm going to leap from a cliff so goddamn high Gal, that you won't be able to ascertain, not even with binoculars, whether or not I've perished.

I'm aiming for a distant grove of willow trees on the canyon floor. I hope they're in season, leafy and soft. But I won't check first, so tough and dangerous am I. Years later you'll come across a flattened willow tree and a single spur, but no bleached bones. Apparently someone incredibly sexy and strong landed here and then limped away.

Decisions shall be second-guessed at that point -- Trust that Starbucks Girl, trust that! Fuckin' Grrrrr!

(I'm Latigo Flint and booze approves this message.)

15 Comments:

At 6:21 AM, Blogger Amandarama said...

Now, now, Latigo. Lemmings also fling themselves off cliffs. That doesn't make it a good idea. Have you considered something safer, like maybe catching bullets with your teeth?

 
At 7:45 AM, Blogger OldHorsetailSnake said...

No one, just no one, can show his love for the Starbuck's Girl the way you can. It is a good thing you are tawny and sane.

 
At 11:23 AM, Blogger Dave Morris said...

Oh, the sacrifices we make for our favorite baristas.

It gets harder and harder to impress them these days.

 
At 11:24 AM, Anonymous Cale said...

Good Sir. Flint I too have a large balance in my favour
at the good First Bank of character.

It is the plight of sharp eyed wanderers to know beauty within an instant. To know it more truly -- at a glance no less -- than those who wield it.

And it is our duty to hold fast to our word -- and jump from the canyon's wall -- for one day we might spy a mighty Gal who'll leap with us from that wall.

Double tall no-fat mocha latte please.

 
At 1:35 PM, Blogger Blog ho said...

in the words of the burnt out 50s hipsters, *snap snap*

 
At 1:37 PM, Blogger slarrow said...

I think I see a flaw in your plan, my friend. Truly your painful experiences at the hands of the Starbucks girls have built many, many large deposits in your First Bank of Character.

But ain't it just like a woman to get into your life, clean out your bank account, and walk away? She won't even leave you enough for enough booze to make the heartache (and the contusions and the broken ribs and the hematoid clots) go away.

If only the First Bank of Character were insured by FDIC....

 
At 1:49 PM, Blogger amandapants said...

Oh, Latigo. I laughed so hard I did an old fashioned knee slap and foot stomp. Really.

 
At 1:56 PM, Blogger Cindy-Lou said...

Every time I see a hot Starbucks barrista I will tell her Fucking Grrrr, in your honor.

 
At 2:47 PM, Blogger MJ said...

It's not every day that one draws a comparison between an oncoming storm and a Starbucks barista. Just remember that, instead of hurling himself from that ledge, Muir lifted his eyes to the grandeur of nature's onslaught and died instead of ...pneumonia!

 
At 4:29 PM, Blogger greta said...

Have strength my lad. There is one who frazzles my frappucino also, but remains haughtily out of reach. Damn you to hell Growing Pains' Alan Thicke. You will be mine.

 
At 7:51 PM, Blogger Ari said...

I like how you're keeping the word "gal" alive, even though it involves wrenching total eclipses of the heart and such.

Also, I concur: "fuckin' grrrrr" is an expression that will no doubt weave its way into the modern parlance.

 
At 1:39 AM, Blogger Latigo Flint said...

Lemmings happen to have loads of character Amandarama. Loads and loads. Um... they're tough and dangerous and sexy too.

Thank you Old Hoss. This is a kind thing you have said.

Ain't that just the truth though Dave.

I like your name Cale. I like it a lot. It is a very strong name. I wouldn't trade, of course, but it's close. You uttered a bevy of truths just then. I tip my hat to them.

They also said "darling" back then right Ho? "Snap snap darling, snap snap." (Or am I mixing my eras up again?)

Dang Slarrow... I did not consider this. You have surely detected a potential flaw. Would you be able, perchance, to get the FDIC on the line for me?

And I can see you doing it Amandapants. Most people don't know what a gloriously grim sense of humor John Muir had.

This makes very proud Cindy-Lou. Thank you.

I actually do do it every day MJ, I don't necessarily write it down though. Your point on Mr. Muir is well made.

Greta: Why you vicious, hilarious young Australian... I shit you not, a giant mouthful of beer (or as you say Down Under... beer) ended up all over my monitor when I read those words.

Someone's got to do it Ari, might as well be me. (And we can only hope.)

 
At 9:56 AM, Blogger tabitha jane said...

hee hee fuckin' grrrr

 
At 6:11 PM, Blogger Lightning Bug's Butt said...

I see you've posted since this stunt. So I have the immediate comfort of knowing you survived the jump. Or chickened out.

But I'll bet my bottom dollar it was the former.

 
At 7:55 PM, Blogger Kevin Jackson said...

Well, this is interesting. I did a blog search for starbucks barista and found your site. When I get some time I'll come back and find out where starbucks barista appears and how it relates - if it even does. Take care - nice work.

 

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