Shootout in the Badlands

Latigo Flint realized something recently: When all our cell phones are GPS enabled, the immersive gaming possibilities are going to be endless. And Latigo Flint wants to get in on the ground floor of this potential multi-billion dollar industry.

See, here's the thing--Latigo Flint is the quickest quickdraw that ever lived. Latigo Flint can slap thigh and shuck iron so fast that nine-time Olympic gold sprinter, Carl Lewis, bonks his head and wets himself. Just like that. It doesn't matter where Carl Lewis is; whenever Latigo Flint slaps thigh and shucks iron, Carl just bonks his head into something and then wets himself. (It's actually a rather eerie phenomenon--especially for Carl.)

But sadly, being the world's fastest quickdraw doesn't pay like it used to. A hundred fifty years ago I would have been very successful--probably a living god. Today, not so much. The opportunities just aren't there anymore for a squinty-eyed six-gun slinger with hand-tooled holsters and a noble streak.

Which is why Latigo Flint is so excited about GPS enabled immersive gaming. At last, here's a real chance for me to combine my Old West skills and expertise with 21st century technology. Leveraging my unique assets if you will, (to use the corporate parlance) to build an empire.

So I'm very pleased to announce, coming soon to cellular phones everywhere:

Latigo Flint's Guns of Squinty-Eye Gulch, Shootout in the Badlands

That's a working title. Obviously Verizon and Cingular and Nokia and such are going to have some input.

Here's how it works: You select your character identity and affiliation using your cell phone menu--Gunslinger, Sheriff, Bandito, Town Smithy, School Marm, Stable Boy, Local Drunk, etc. etc. Then belt on your rubber band gun, making sure to stuff extra rubber bands in your pocket, especially if you're a Gunslinger or a Sheriff or a Bandito, then hit the streets. A map overlay appears on your cell phone's LCD screen showing your location, represented by a little red blip, and the location of all other players--color coded to represent their character affiliation.

And now you start shooting people with rubber bands. A hit on a Gunslinger, Sheriff or Bandito is worth ten points. Town Smithy and Stable Boy are worth two. You lose five points if you hit a School Marm. Local Drunks are worth half a point. etc. etc. And of course you lose points by getting hit.

Cell phone users who have chosen not to purchase Latigo Flint's Guns of Squinty-Eye Gulch, Shootout in the Badlands are considered townspeople. They show up on your screen as little gray blips. Townspeople are zeros, you do not gain or lose any points by hitting them with a rubber band. We do not advocate using these innocent bystanders as practice rounds to hone your skills, but obviously some players will anyway.

Latigo Flint's Guns of Squinty-Eye Gulch, Shootout in the Badlands is still in its early development phase. There are many nuances and intricacies to be figured out yet, and likely a few legal hurdles. But this will all be sorted out in short order.

Oh yeah, one more exciting twist: From Day One and every subsequent, Latigo Flint himself will be in the game--always on, always strapped and squinty. This is unprecedented. It'd be like plugging into Doom 3 online and finding none other than John Carmack roaming the drippy halls. Hitting Latigo Flint will be worth one thousand points. But that's a very, very dangerous trail to ride and players will find nothing but grief at its end.

See you in the streets and gulches my friends; see you in the streets and gulches.