Monday, October 09, 2006

Girl and Boy

Girl and Boy

(A short one-act play. Author unknown.)

BOY:
What I needed was to not catch my heart in an avalanche.

GIRL:
Pardon?

BOY:
It's as if my heart is a lonely sherpa and you're the furious landslide.

GIRL:
A lonely what?!

BOY:
Please don't make me ask you again if you'll go to the dance with me.

GIRL:
I'm sorry, do I know you?

BOY:
I'm prepared to love you forever.

GIRL:
Listen, whoever you are--you really need to pull your pants back up; people are starting to stare.

BOY:
Radio base camp. Tell them my heart's been swept away.

GIRL:
Get the hell away from me.

BOY:
Climber to base camp. Heart down. Jagged ravine. Can't talk now--wolves closing in.

GIRL:
I'm not kidding; you need to leave.

BOY:
We broke camp at dawn, my heart and me. We planned to summit that day or die.

GIRL:
I'm pressing charges if you don't leave right now.

BOY:
We packed our bags, pre-flight. I'm going to give you a back rub with warm oils and cheese if you don't mind.

GIRL:
I don't know what yet, I'm going to let my lawyer advise--but rest assured, you will be charged with something.

BOY:
With weeping hearts and stoic faces we pushed ever westward, deep into that savage land of death and dogwood blossoms.

GIRL:
They're gonna lock you up so long you'll be calling the guards "sonny-boy" by the time they let you out.

BOY:
We got off on the wrong foot. Let me start over. May I have the pleasure of escorting you to the Fall dance?

GIRL:
No you may not. But thank you; I'm very flattered you asked.

BOY:
You're welcome.

GIRL:
Well all right then.

BOY:
How about now? Will you go to the dance with me now?

GIRL:
Answer's still the same.

BOY:
I'm picturing you naked and there's not a damn thing you can do about it.

GIRL:
See, it's that sort of thing right there that makes it impossible to trust you.

BOY:
In my dream your nipples are blue and taste like candy and raindrops.

GIRL:
I get that a lot.

BOY:
I'm prepared to love you forever you know.

GIRL:
I know.



Lights fade out

11 Comments:

At 2:44 AM, Blogger Helga von porno said...

"...."

 
At 6:30 AM, Anonymous ATD said...

Because I am such a sweet and gentle soul, in my mind, the girl says "I know" with infinite regret and boundless sympathy, and that lovely irresistible sparkly glittery look in her eyes, even as she dials 911 on her cellphone.

~ATD

 
At 7:09 AM, Blogger Amandarama said...

You know, if the line about her nipples didn't win her over, she's just not worth it.

 
At 10:39 AM, Blogger Lightning Bug's Butt said...

Hell, that beat The Vagina Monologues.

 
At 11:21 AM, Blogger Sam, Problem-Child-Bride said...

"I'm prepared to love you forever you know."

This I doubt. For love can surely last for ever but noone is ever prepared for that. F'rinstance, has this heart of his got a pair of sturdy boots, the complete works of the bard, and some high energy bars? Even if it has, I'll bet it doesn't have a breaking-down-in-cold-weather survival kit. And, of course, there's the selective wisdom of the ages to be absorbed before any foray into the Loving Fields is recommended.

Love fiercely and carry a big spoon, should be the motto of young lovers everywhere. (Pack some prophylactics as well, obviously)

 
At 1:26 PM, Anonymous Strange Forces said...

BOY:
Climber to base camp. Heart down. Jagged ravine. Can't talk now--wolves closing in.


Man, I think we can all agree we've been there before.

 
At 8:28 PM, Blogger Ari said...

If her nipples tasted like candy and raindrops, what of her lips? ;)

 
At 8:29 PM, Blogger Ari said...

Sorry, that was gay.

 
At 11:53 AM, Blogger Noir Muse said...

No Ari, that was a sweet, sweet comment. You're so romantic. Truly, what of her...lips.

Oh. Now I get it.

Yep, sorry. That was gay.

 
At 1:31 PM, Blogger 12 Crumble Ave said...

Sometimes Latigo you just reach inside of me and tear out a raw chunk of everything I'm feeling, like my heart is your plaything.

You sure you weren't just hanging around the corner last week with a notbook when I was talking to Carly cause there's way too many similarities for that to be coincidence...

- Toledo

 
At 2:02 AM, Blogger Latigo Flint said...

Right back at 'cha Helga Von Porno.

And I'm sorry, ATD, that you aren't female. 'Cause I would so fall for you if you were.
(Frankly I may anyway.)

Sweet of you to say Amandarama. That's more or less what I tell myself.

I would hope so LBB.

This heart is a boy scout Sam.

You, Strange Forces. You understand me. I'm gonna call you Brother now if you don't mind. And the manly fire of stoic camaraderie shall surely rage in our eyes.

Her lips Ari? Her lips tasted of summer berries and joy. Blackberry kisses on a warm June day.

(Oops, that was even gay-er.)

Usually, Noir Muse, if people don't talk to me I don't talk to them. But you are in a different class, and frankly I'm just glad you spoke at all.

We're all sticky inside Toledo. That's what I recently discovered upon reaching inside you and tearing out a chunk.
(I remember Carly. Give her my best. Which unfortunately is little more than a whimper and a moan. Carly must have an American sister.)

 

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