Tuesday, April 16, 2013

The Ides of April

Ok fine Uncle S, here's my hard-earned money you bloated, wasteful vulture. I know you can be counted on to spend 95% of it on things I don’t want or need. How long has it been since you’ve done otherwise? You’re truly just a sea of blinking, pompous idiocy. We all know it; even you.

I think if we took the past 20 years and reviewed every decision you all have made at every level, it would be absurdly obvious that this Republic would be overwhelmingly better off if we’d simply flipped a coin each time. Imagine that, good public servant, all your years of noble service, all your careful consideration of the issues that affect your constituents, and of course the appropriate and modest salary you garnered for the honor and responsibility of representing fellow citizens… and the entire fucking time we would have been better served if we’d simply entrusted all your decisions to a monkey with a nickel.

I blame myself as one citizen of many for letting you get so huge, corrupt and spectacularly stupid. You’re either so stupid it’s evil or you’re so evil it’s stupid. Doesn’t really matter; the results are the same either way. But it’s even dumber that I/we elect you based on advertising and inane media sound bites instead of actual results of representation and logical future plans. That’s our bad. Maybe we won’t in the future.

But in the meantime, go ahead… spend my money like a drunken sailor in a port city whorehouse like you always do. See you next year I’m sure. In lieu of the intelligence and dedication to actually figure out how to improve you I’ll just do what I always do in the ides of April… hope to god every one of you career-politicians eats something weird and wakes up tomorrow with just the absolute worst diarrhea you’ve ever had.

F-you. F-you for bankrupting my city, my state and my country. And for trying to do the same to me.

(But just so it isn’t all negative… I do enjoy seeing all the quarters with the fun graphics about the 50 states on the backs of them. Those are super neat-o! Thanks for doing that!!)