Friday, January 14, 2005

Your Loss (and I hope your lunch meat turns)

If you couldn't care less that a red-tailed hawk is circling majestically outside, an extremely rare sight this deep in Los Angeles, there are much more polite ways to convey your indifference.

(Note: This particular post is exclusively for the patrons of the Subway restaurant on the corner of Wilshire and Highland four hours ago.)

There is no need to openly mock the bearer of this news. Yes, he may have been a tad overexcited but not grossly out of proportion with what should be anyone's natural reaction to the splendor of such a sight - and certainly not enough to warrant ten straight minutes of derision.

And a special aside to Mr. Punchy McKneetothegroin, (I never got your name, but you know who you are.) Darn it, I wasn't sexually assaulting your girlfriend; I was simply trying to get her to follow me to the window, an ideal vantage point from which to observe the mighty raptor. Any urgency in my touch was certainly due only to the unknown and no doubt limited amount of time this great bird would remain in view.

Anyway, you twenty or so have proved yourselves to be exceptionally cruel and unfeeling people. Latigo Flint will definitely remember all your faces and the next time Latigo Flint sees something beautiful, unique and uplifting just beyond your sight line, he won't say a dern thing, and you all will be the poorer for it.


At 8:55 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I believe you mean to say "couldn't care less". It's a small point, but I thought you might appreciate the input. Sir. I posted anonymously on the off chance you would be offended.

At 8:56 PM, Blogger Anti-Blogger said...

I am offended by anonymous posts.

At 9:25 PM, Blogger Latigo Flint said...

Latigo Flint thanks you sir. Latigo Flint does carefully proof before posting. (Read, he pastes it into Microsoft Word and carefully looks for green and red lines.) But errors can always slip through. It's good to know someone has Latigo Flint's back, linguistically speaking.

I know what you mean. They're almost as bad as bloggers with dual personality disorder.

At 9:27 PM, Blogger Kid Relish said...

"Linguistically speaking" --- LOL. LOL. BRB ROTFLMAO BYOB LOL. Linguistically speaking!!!!

You’re awesome Lat!!! LOL LOL LOL

At 5:08 AM, Blogger Blog ho said...

I wonder how you resisted shooting them down like the dogs they are. We should switch places. You can come live in the plains where there are birds coming out of my ASSHOLE and I should move to LA where there are lattes coming out of yours. We will also swap wives in the change.

At 3:13 PM, Blogger Latigo Flint said...

Latigo Flint wouldn't want to cheat you sir - true Latigo Flint's right hand is the quickest hand the world has ever known, but I'm not sure it's ethical to swap it for a human wife.

At 12:14 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Obviously your lie about the rare bird outside was just a excuse to touch my girlfriend, making you a sad little man. i knew exactly what you were up to, and I would jump at the chance to knee you in the groin again. Besides, my display of physical abuse on another made my girlfriend all hot and bothered. We ditched our low carb wraps and went home where I experianced sex like I never have before. So, I guess I should thank you, because really you are harmless. Hey, maybe I can buy you a sub sometime.

At 2:07 AM, Blogger Wulfenjarl said...

I met Latigo Flint once. Well, I guess "meet" is a relative term. I saw him at least and knew instantly who he was. The tasselled shirt and squinty-eyed stare could only belong to one man at the Starbucks.

Latigo Flint.

I didn't say anything to him (what would one say to a gunslinger?), but I knew it was he and felt humbled as his lightning quick hands grabbed an iced latte before it even went off the edge of the "bar". As he left, frappucino in hand, he gave a friendly wink and headed out the door back into the suburban jungle.

"Anonymous" should be ashamed of himself. So insecure in his relationship with his girlfriend to pounce upon LF without even asking what he was doing.

You're lucky you can still have children, mister, with hands as fast as Latigo's.


At 4:29 PM, Blogger Lightning Bug's Butt said...

Why Latigo! I had you figured for one to shoot birds of prey from the hip rather than admire their natural beauty.

I read with disgust the way in which Subway patrons received your gesture. Ironic how they watch like a hawk (pardon the pun) the clerk assembling their sandwiches, yet nary a glance at the majesty of Mother Nature's finest bird. Forget the sneeze guard. Subway needs to install a rube guard to filter out all the mindless jerks like the ones you encountered today.

Godspeed, LF.


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