Friday, February 11, 2005

Hey, Make up Your Dern Mind

Women today don't seem to respond as positively to a stranger calling them a "dusky little gypsy temptress" as they did in generations past.

Latigo Flint remembers seeing the famous 3 hour long, cinéma vérité style documentary from the late 1950's in which a Cleveland man traveled the U.S. calling women dusky little gypsy temptresses. He was met with pleased blushes, giggles and warm embraces wherever he went.

Latigo Flint tried it today and it was an abject failure. I've never collected so many blank stares, rollings of the eyes, cruel replies, slaps to face or harsh, deriding laughter in my life. The woman in the elevator actually went so far as to blast Latigo Flint in the eyes and genitals with mace.

Make up your mind ladies - you sit around chatting all night with your girlfriends about how, ohhhh if I could only find a man who'd call me a dusky little gypsy temptress... and then when one actually does, you blast him in the eyes and genitals with mace???!!! Come on now, does that make any kind of sense?!

Fiiiiine... I guess honor compels me to mention that today I did choose to leave the house wearing nothing but open-faced chaps, facial war paint and my cow-skull bolo tie, but still-


At 3:29 AM, Blogger retarius said...

perhaps wearing what amounts to an homage (pronounced in the pretentious, gayer-than-paul-lynd french way) to the village people ruined the beautiful sentiment?

At 6:52 AM, Blogger Rasmus said...

Latigo Flint should never be ashamed over the way Latigo Flint dresses.
If Latigo Flint had only been born 150 years earlier none of this would've happened.

At 12:54 PM, Blogger Kilroy Trout said...

Indeed a class act stuck in cruel modern world. It brings a tear to my eye.

At 7:36 PM, Blogger Blog ho said...

i'll be damned if i didn't laugh, mr. flint. i tried not to laugh, i tried to be stoic. i reminded myself how long it had been since I've been laid and that helped for a bit, but then it smashed out of my nose, and that was vodka. good vodka, too, not just that rot gut shit. i feel tempted to charge you for the spillage, but I'd worry about being gunned down.

At 8:32 PM, Blogger Cad Grublygold said...

I feel your pain Latigo. I’ve never had much luck in the lady dept. They all say I smell. Like they can really tell the difference between alcohol vomit, and that shit they sell in fancy stores……..bosh, they’re just mean is all

At 4:14 PM, Blogger Lightning Bug's Butt said...

I'm sorry to read about the rendezvous between your genitals and a spritz of mace. I've never found it that fun, either.

Anyway, BLOG HO seems to have invented some weird time machine thingy using his brilliance and a common, hand-held calculator. Maybe he can teleport your gun-slingin' self back 150 years.

Good luck.

At 7:07 AM, Blogger Kerouaced said...

You might have been pushing it with the open-faced chaps. My suggestion would be to use that line when everyone is fully clothed and in the depths of a late night drinking session. Perhaps then the ladies will appreciate your wit and then maybe you can put the chaps back on.


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