Sunday, March 13, 2005

More Community Service

So Latigo Flint was recently arrested for drinking and driving unattended road graders... again. The District Attorney pushed for a sentence that included court mandated sterilization - but everyone knew the D.A. was only doing that out of spite after his wife and teenage daughter both fell madly in love with Latigo Flint during the trial.

Latigo Flint's public attorney was able to get it down to 100 hours of community service.

Last night Latigo Flint wrote the following short film script and he's officially donating it to Community College Film Students so they can use it to get an "A".

Boy scuffs the ground and glances around at everything in the room except the girl standing right in front of him. Finally he speaks.

Wouldn't it suck to have a strange condition where you thought Frisbees were scorpions and vice versa?


Well you know, you wouldn't be able to walk through a crowded park without jumping and shrieking and running away all the time. Then on other days you would be walking along and see a little kid up ahead and he looks kinda lonely, and then you see a Frisbee under a bush and you think
"I'll toss this Frisbee to the kid and cheer him up"
but then tragically...

(Interrupting him)
I'm going over here now. Please don't talk to me anymore.

She turns and takes a few steps but pauses and glances back.

Um, that would suck by the way.


That strange condition you were talking about... you're right, it would suck. I was thinking about it just now and came to realize how truly... sucky it would be.


You don't have it do you?

Have what?

You know, a strange condition where you think Frisbees are scorpions and vice versa?

Oh, no. No I don't. I just wanted to talk to you and that was all that came to mind.

Hmm. Well I guess I've heard worse opening lines... I can't think of any right now but I'm sure I have.
Why are you wearing holsters?

I really really like holstering things... a lot. These holsters stretch slightly so I can use them to holster a vast array of small items; everything from staplers to kittens, travel size chess boards to cheese. I once holstered a rolled up poster of Anna Paquin in the left one... that was a great day!

I see.
How come the holsters are the only thing you're wearing?

I don't trust clothes, never have.

I'm afraid of you.

I know.

I had it right the first time. I'm going to leave and God willing, never see you again.





At 7:04 PM, Blogger Gil The Carnie said...

Wells at least yer not usin' yer "A" material ons da' Film School Kids. Hate ta' see "A Boy and His Ladder" go ta' such waste.

At 7:07 PM, Blogger Gil The Carnie said...

Wells at least yer not usin' yer "A" material ons da' Film School Kids. Hate ta' see "A Boy and His Ladder" go ta' such waste.

At 10:58 PM, Blogger 1031 said...

That's total "A" material right there. I would love to see this scene produced. Oscar-worthy, I'm tellin' ya.

And it would totally suck to think Frisbees are scorpions and vice-versa.


At 10:59 PM, Blogger 1031 said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

At 7:52 AM, Blogger Mister Jinxy said...

Again with the scorpion flingin'!

I giggle myself stupid when I think of that.

At 10:33 AM, Blogger amandapants said...

Gil, I believe it's called "Not Without My Ladder." A gripping piece of work. I think all true art is at least slightly offensive.

At 12:42 PM, Blogger darthmoridin said...

I think the girl is symbolic of literally thousands of people that Latigo Flint has met in his life, and this makes me weep.

At 12:45 PM, Blogger Matteus Von Mustard said...

This is the first blog which I have ever seen that is almost as good as my perfect jewel of a blog. I applaud your arrogance and your unshakeable determination to stick to your anachronistic guns.

Also the post about being raised by wolves was brilliant.

At 8:44 PM, Blogger Latigo Flint said...

Sorry Gil, but I done already gave Not Without My Ladder to an interpretive dance troupe.

Thanks much 1031. Head on over to LACC's student screening at the end of the spring semester and I'm sure you'll get to see a couple dozen versions of it.

I do too Jinxy, God do I. It's the only good part about being arrested - gettin' to stare at the jerkwad and picture the look on his face if you was to suddenly fling a live scorpion on 'im.

Like a steel trap your mind is Amandapants, like a steel trap I say.

Symbolism is the sweet jam of which all life enjoys licking the knife of and also spreading too heavy, D.Mor.

Von Mustard, Latigo Flint had to look up "anachronistic". Latigo Flint is not sorry he did. A tremendous word! A glorious word! For me, this world suddenly seems a slightly better place for that it contains such a magnificent word. I thank you.

At 10:44 AM, Blogger Lightning Bug's Butt said...

Oscar Wilde ain't got nothing on you, Latigo.

And speaking of Oscar Wilde, I'd think he'd appreciate the naked guy with the holsters.

Nice touch.


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