Monday, February 28, 2005

Who Wouldn't Want to Know?

Billy the Kid's real name was most likely William Henry McCarty, not William H. Bonney as is commonly believed.

Latigo Flint doesn't know what disappoints him more about the cute Starbucks cashier's reaction to receiving this information - her words: "Who gives a shit you freak?!" Or the incredulous contempt in her eyes as she said it.

Fine missy, you wanna play it that way? How's this: Latigo Flint hopes that sometime in the future you're at a dinner party with the absolute man of your dreams. You're playing a team trivia game against other couples, and with the entire game on the line you incorrectly answer "William H. Bonney" to the question: "Most Western Historians agree Billy the Kid's real name was most likely ________?"

The well-read and sexy man-of-your-dreams is peeved at you for blowing such an easy question. The two of you end up arguing bitterly in front of everyone. It escalates on the drive home. Back at your shared apartment, lamps are thrown and then he leaves you. You end up marrying a greasy womanizer and you're miserable for the rest of your life.

Reap that whirlwind java-maid.

(Not that it makes any difference, but Latigo Flint did deliver the aforementioned information in the form of whispering lips into ear, right arm around her waist, left hand starting to administer a gentle neck rub, after a stealthy creep around the pastry display case. But hey, she looked like she was having a stressful morning, and western lore with a neck rub is extremely relaxing.)


At 9:03 PM, Blogger Kilroy Trout said...

You are a man or letters, Latigo Flint. Whisper that to the next bar maid, hand on buttocks, and see if that improves things.

At 9:42 PM, Blogger Gil The Carnie said...


At 3:46 AM, Blogger Lightning Bug's Butt said...

I don't care what his name is nearly as much as how many people he killed.

At 3:57 AM, Blogger Blog ho said...

Billy and Abe Lincoln were also lovers which is another little known fact.

At 10:20 AM, Blogger darthmoridin said...

Latigo, you don't want LA-area Starbucks girls anyway. They're all vapid, wannabe actresses. You need to go outside of La-La Land to find real women who appreciate the talents of a gunslinger such as yourself.

At 5:02 PM, Blogger Latigo Flint said...

Definitely all man Kilroy - and I'll see if that helps.

Apparently shit happens carnie.

Agreed LBB. Accounts differ but it's generally accepted to be more than SARS, less than pneumonia.

Ho, you are widely regarded as the nation's foremost homo-historian. I'm going to yield to your expertise on that one.

You may have a very valid point Dmor. (I have caused quite an excited ruckus the few times I've ventured into a West Hollywood Starbucks though.)

At 3:10 AM, Blogger Mister Jinxy said...

Hey, Java-maid, Charley Crawford's not with you anymore.

At 4:06 PM, Blogger ty bluesmith said...

more, por favor

At 8:26 PM, Blogger Cad Grublygold said...

Me thinks you are being hard on Ms. Java. You may have just scared her into a knee jerk reaction, next time just walk up an grab her brest so you know you have her attention before speaking.


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