Wednesday, February 23, 2005

Hey Dern It, Hurry Up

It has recently come to Latigo Flint's attention that there is in fact one final frontier... SPACE!!!

Well *&%#!* come on!!! Why didn't someone tell Latigo Flint sooner?! What on Earth are we waiting for?! (Yes, I thought that was pretty clever too, "What on Ea-" um, anyway...)

Space colonies, asteroid mining facilities, limitless opportunity, a transport infrastructure that requires long journeys, a prohibitively distant proximity from official offices of law--- By the waxed handlebar of Earp, we're talking the Old West all over again, and with it, the opportunity for Latigo Flint, the quickest quickdraw the world has ever known, to actually achieve his one great calling.

Oh caustic irony that Latigo Flint has spent his years bemoaning a birth 150 years too late when it would now seem it might have also been 150 years too early!!!

No doubt about it, action must be taken and right quick. In his early 60's, Clint was still able to stride dangerously, squint menacingly, and slap thigh blazingly, as evidenced by the fine documentary film, Unforgiven. There's no reason Latigo Flint can't expect a similar retention of quickdraw skills. That gives us 30 to 40 years - and actually I'd really prefer it to be much sooner to really maximize the number of years I get to say: "ohm in maa priiiiiime".

So....... GO! Time to get a move on and really scamper along forward now NASA and Branson and Rutan and all 'yall. Friggin' tie the carbon nanotubes already and pluck the antimatter and whatnot.

I said MOVE! How can you be so obtuse NASA? Don't you understand this is my chance? This is my life we're talking about here!!!

Okay, I got a little worked up just then (sorry Dufresne). I'm going to get rip-snorting, dread-shuffling drunk now and when I wake up in a day or two, I had better see some serious progress.

Yeah, I'm looking at you too Asian UCLA students. Show me something dern it!


At 12:57 AM, Blogger Cad Grublygold said...

I'm with you there Latigo, once upon a time somone who lived out doors and smelled like cow dung was hailed as an adventurer. Now their called hobos and scorned by society.......basterds.

At 1:18 AM, Anonymous Iconoclast Zach said...

I think that space exploration may yet save mankind, and I think you may be the first gunslinger in space some day.

At 8:41 AM, Blogger Gil The Carnie said...

Whens they start shippin' out folks to space you can have ma' ticket. Carnies in space is jus' not gonna' work.

At 11:58 AM, Blogger Blog ho said...

What if you have to sling...lasers?

At 12:25 PM, Blogger darthmoridin said...

Keep in mind that in space your six shooters will fire with an absolutely straight trajectory. Adjust your long distance aim accordingly. This may also make others more accurate with the old iron, so watch out.

At 6:52 PM, Blogger Latigo Flint said...

Indeed Grublygold indeed! You're tracking right with me. It almost feels as if I've known you my whole life.

Very nice to hear again from the enigmatic Iconoclast. I sincerely hope you are correct. (You surely tread in shadow I.Z, sword tip at the ready I presume.)

No chance of a "Whack a Frebleziff" booth for you up there Carnie? Please reconsider.

Hmmm, yes Ho, the heft and balance may differ slightly but I'm altogether certain I shall have zero difficulty adjusting.

You are ever-wise D. Mor. I had not yet considered this. I have a feeling your council shall prove invaluable in the years ahead.

At 9:54 PM, Blogger Kilroy Trout said...

There is no sound in space: no click click of of your cylinders, no jingle in yur' spurs, no ping of the spitoon.

It's highly overrated.

At 7:28 PM, Blogger Mister Jinxy said...

I, I know, "Outland" is THE movie for you, amigo.

At 12:53 PM, Blogger Matteus Von Mustard said...

Von Mustard sent me hear and I've been reeding threw it awl.

This post reminded me of my childhood promise two a deer friend to become space pirates with him once the space shipping lanes opened up.

Keep up the good work Latigo.
Sorry about the signature, Matteus is very insistent that I promote his blog wherever I go.

- Matthew Lie - Paehlke
Official, but Occasional, Editor
Matteus Von Mustard's Apocalypse Watch

At 6:03 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

looks like you'd be interested in that new space cowboy movie serenity.


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