Thursday, June 09, 2005

Sir Eduardo the Magnificent

Throughout history we have always greatly admired those animals that risked or even sacrificed their lives to save humans, yet we tend to scorn humans who are willing to give their lives to save animals. (Often with good reason, friggin' crazy hippies.)

However, on a personal note now, that latter way of thinking changed irrevocably for Latigo Flint a number of years ago when I met a river otter named Sir Eduardo The Magnificent.

Sir Eduardo was aptly named - he was indeed a magnificent otter. One look into Sir Eduardo's big, shimmering eyes and you just knew they possessed a soulful intelligence.

Sir Eduardo and I spent three consecutive summers exploring the American Midwest. We mostly stuck close to waterways and lake systems. It was probably the happiest either of us had ever been. (And ever would be.) We solved mysteries. Our pictures appeared in a number of local newspapers. Heroism affects your stride. Two legs or four, you don't walk the same for the rest of the day after a heroic deed. Sir Eduardo and I forgot how to walk any other way.

Sir Eduardo had a humorous mishap with a soft-serve ice cream machine in a cafe just outside Madison, WI. It became one of those running inside jokes, warm and familiar, that exists between two very good friends.

One time I saw some surly looking teenagers heaving bricks into the pond at the bottom of an ancient quarry. I thought Sir Eduardo was down there and so I gutted those surly teenagers with the serrated edge of a camp shovel. Turns out Sir Eduardo had changed his mind and had decided to take his afternoon swim somewhere else.

I found some peace in the realization that there's no such thing as an innocent teenager. Later, to help further ease my conscience, Sir Eduardo swam around in that pond, finally returning to tell me that he'd talked to some traumatized box turtles who were most grateful that the bombardment had ended. That's just the kind of otter Sir Eduardo was - a true friend; always thinking about your feelings.

To know Sir Eduardo The Magnificent Otter was to have the darkest corners of your soul renovated and turned into well-lit gift shops.

The day he died I tore every painting down.


At 7:27 AM, Blogger Ghost Dog said...

Wonderful tribute, Flint-san.

At 7:56 AM, Blogger Greg said...

Ah, but the story of how he died must be a wonderful one, too. Did he go out rescuing unwanted albino circus freak orphans from a blazing building? Did he go to those slippery and sunny rocks in the sky while protesting for the rights of marmosets to co-habitate with angler fish? The tribute is beautiful, Latigo, but unfinished! We yearn for more!

At 8:32 AM, Blogger Tigerlily said...

You are, in short, pure poetry Latigo! I think I love you.

At 8:46 AM, Blogger Dave Morris said...

I will begin developing the screenplay right away. This is big, I can already see the trailer in my mind.

Don't tell Kid Relish about my endeavors. He will insist on handling all the duties of the movie development himself, leaving me to pick countless scorpions from down my shirt.

At 9:34 AM, Anonymous roundelay said...

That was beautiful. I never even knew otters like soft-serve.

At 11:00 AM, Blogger Gil The Carnie said...

Dang! People, animals, plants, stuff just like to die around you Gunslinger.

At 11:46 AM, Blogger Cad Grublygold said...

Eduardo, it seems I once knew a coboy by that name, a magnificent spanish fellow with a knack for the ladies. If your otter was anything like him, he must have been great indeed.

At 1:37 PM, Blogger Blog ho said...

you killed him. didn't you.

At 10:01 PM, Blogger Kilroy Trout said...

"To know Sir Eduardo The Magnificent Otter was to have the darkest corners of your soul renovated and turned into well-lit gift shops."

Damn Latigo...I simply have to plagiarize this. Except for the Otter part--I'm gonna replace that with my dog's name.

At 2:30 PM, Blogger Ari said...

I never did cotton to Madison, WI either, soft-serve ice cream or no.

I'll add a prayer for Sir Eduardo, wherever he may be, to my list tonight.

At 2:43 PM, Blogger tabitha jane said...

was sir eduardo a real knight? i want to hear the story of how he became a "sir." how was he knighted?

At 8:08 PM, Blogger Lightning Bug's Butt said...

Sir Eduardo may have passed, but you've memorialized him beautifully in this touching vignette.

Another one for the Portable Latigo Flint Reader!

At 2:15 AM, Blogger Latigo Flint said...

Thank you Ghost Dog, that means a lot to me.

Greg, the very true story of Sir Eduardo The Magnificent Otter's death it is quite possibly the saddest, most amazing, most moving story ever. Unfortunately I lack the talent to tell it.

Toren, I'm not going to lie, I found your words to be very exciting. After reading them I sprinted around my room crashing headfirst into shelves for about twenty minutes, then I did push-ups until my back went out.

Sounds excellent Dave. We must remember however to stay true to the material, and not be afraid of receiving an NC-17 rating from the MPAA.

Thank you Roundelay. I'm not sure all otters do actually like soft serve ice cream. Sir Eduardo sure did though - boy-howdy did he ever!

What are you trying to say Carnie? What? You don't believe me? You think I fell? You think I jumped? Well, fuck you! It wasn't my time! I wasn't supposed to go! I'm not supposed to be here!

A connection only you could have made dear Grublygold. You are right of course, there were certain distinct similarities.

Now that, Ho, is a wretched, dirty thing to say. (maybe)

Long as it's a canine Kilroy - trusty and faithful. If it was one of those sissy cats, hamsters or goldfish, that would definitely piss me off.

Thank you Ari - Sir Eduardo needs your prayers it's true, but save a few for Latty too...

I've often wondered that myself Tabitha. He took that secret to his grave.

Thank you very much LBB. I never tire of reading those words. (I can't understand why Bantam hasn't called yet.)


Post a Comment

<< Home