What Kind of Man I've Been

Look, it's easy to assume that the surly teenagers slouching and spitting concentric oval patterns on the sidewalk in front of your local convenience store don't know the lyrics to Billy Joel's Uptown Girl--or if by some freak chance do, certainly wouldn't have the mental capacity or the inclination to accompany you with Major 6th and 3rd harmonies... but how do you really know unless you ask?

You don't! You don't know. You assume they can't and/or won't, but until you ask, you can't actually know for sure if those surly, slumpy teenagers could and would sing Major 6th and 3rd harmonies to Billy Joel's Uptown Girl with you.

Resolute love in the face of seemingly insurmountable class barriers is a universal theme that speaks to us all, properly and slumpily postured alike. How do you know those surly teenagers aren't big Billy Joel fans?

Well, Latigo Flint gives people the benefit of the doubt, that's what Latigo Flint does. So today I approached a couple of those very same surly teens.

"Gentlemen, I'd like your help." I said.

"S'up." They replied.

"Gentlemen, do you know the lyrics to Billy Joel's Uptown Girl?"

"No."

"I see, and what about your friend, you sir?"

"No."

"Okay," I produced a CD from the inside pocket of my leather duster and offered it to them.
"Well, would you be willing to take this home, learn Major 6th and 3rd harmonies to track six and meet back here in a week to sing it with me?"

"Why?"

"I'm trying to prove a point to myself and the world about the frailty and folly of preconceived notions."

The surly teenagers thought it over for a moment; glanced at each other, then back at me.
"Sure, why not--we'll see you here next week."

"Splendid!" I shook their hands. "See you then." I turned to go but then a thought occurred to me.
"Oh, by the way--that CD has an audio watermark on stereo channel two, so don't even think about ripping it and tossing the songs up on BitTorrent you little bastards."

I immediately clapped my hands across my mouth but it was too late, the words were out. "Forgive me gentlemen, that came out wrong."

They shook their heads in sullen resignation. "That hurt dude."

I rubbed my chin apologetically. "I want to take that back. Let me take that back?"

The taller one tossed the CD back to me. "Dude, you may be right--we may be crazy. But that's all you'll find if it's lunatics you're looking for."

"Yeah," his friend chimed in. "Turn out the light dude, don't try to save us."

The two of them bumped fists, sneered at me and mumbled in unison. "We may be wrong, but for all you know, we may be right."



So I walked home then, humbled and wiser. I had nowhere else to go, and no one else to go there with.