Monday, December 06, 2004

Origins

The question may not dominate your every waking thought, but I know it's always somewhere in your mind, nagging at you, tormenting your innate curiosity: How can Latigo Flint possibly be that fast on the draw?

Latigo Flint will now answer this question... with more questions.

How was it possible for Mozart to compose entire concertos by the age of three? How was Bobby Fisher born with the skills necessary to master the complex game of chess before his tenth birthday? How could Raymond Babbitt tell in less than a second that exactly 246 toothpicks had fallen to the floor? Not to go all Quantum on you, but how can light be both a particle and a wave?

Yes yes, our science has figured out a great many things; demons don't invade a chunk of chicken left out too long in the sun, that there is the salmonella bacterium. Ra doesn't get so furious with us that he causes the sun to disappear, it's just our little old moon wandering between us in it's elliptical orbit, and so on - but there is still some magic, some mystery in this world, and when you behold the awesome sight of Latigo Flint slapping thigh and shucking his authentic replica Colt Peacemaker revolvers from their hand tooled elk hide holsters so fast that your wide eyes can't process the difference between guns on hip and guns in hand, why then you'll believe... You'll believe in the unbelievable - the magic and mystery that is Latigo Flint, Quickest Quickdraw the world has ever known.



(Or you won't - the other possibility is that you'll claim it's faked or exaggerated or all of this is just an outright lie, but remember, nobody likes a Grumpy Guster. No one marries or stays married to a Grumpy Guster - Grumpy Gusters die miserable and alone.)

11 Comments:

At 9:04 AM, Blogger darthmoridin said...

Um... Raymond Babbitt was a fictional character. That means he didn't exist...

 
At 5:37 PM, Blogger Latigo Flint said...

Mister, you'd best keep a civil tongue in your head. You're dangerously close to callin' Latigo Flint a liar.

 
At 9:40 AM, Blogger darthmoridin said...

Flint, you should remove your head from your rectum. I was merely pointing out that it was not helping your arguement to use a fictional character to give examples of impossibilities that are, in fact, possible, although maybe not explainable.

While you're at it, why not...

...how can a lightsaber cut through anything and maintain the balance of a sword, even though the blade cannot possibly have any mass?

If my tone still bugs... let's draw!

 
At 12:39 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

NERD ALERT!!!

 
At 1:06 PM, Blogger Latigo Flint said...

You may be right Anonymous, but Latigo Flint tries not to pre-judge. Latigo Flint tries to get to know the man behind the Star Wars fanatic - and then Latigo Flint pistol-whips him.

 
At 1:08 PM, Blogger darthmoridin said...

Annonymous posters are the pussies of the Internet.

 
At 3:34 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

HAHAHA! HA!
ha...

you're right.

(Anoynmous puts his/her head down, sighs, and slumps away from the computer)

 
At 10:53 AM, Blogger Myster said...

All allegations of nerdiness and unusual spellings of "Anonymous" aside, Darthmoridin, do you really think it's wise to provoke the quickest quickdraw in the world over something as unimportant as a Tom Cruise movie?

 
At 8:35 PM, Blogger Noir Muse said...

How about this one?

How is it possible for a clearly literate blog reader to follow Latigo Flint’s entries, and yet let the tongue in cheek humor go straight over his head?

Mysteries abound.

 
At 11:48 AM, Blogger Latigo Flint said...

Tom Cruise was in one of the greatest films ever... Young Guns! That makes him all right in Latigo Flint's book.

 
At 12:38 PM, Blogger darthmoridin said...

Ouch! I've been called out for a typo on an INTERNET TALKBACK! I may never recover. I need an ego boost, STAT!

 

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