Monday, February 14, 2005

Score One For Pedro

Latigo Flint's friend, Kid Relish, is writing an epic motion picture drama titled Score One For Pedro.

Score One For Pedro tells the heart-warming story of Pedro Gonzales, a deaf, blind and mute soccer goalie as he leads his small-town, rag-tag Peruvian team down the long and often treacherous path to the World Cup. All they wanted was respect. All they had were each other. All they need is what's in Pedro’s heart.

Kid says his film is going rake in a ton of cash and awards because he's going to sub-title it and pretend it's a Peruvian independent film. Kid says you could practically film a jar of mayonnaise for two hours and if people in the entertainment industry think it's a foreign independent they'll friggin' chuck awards at it, and all the art fags in the big cities will flock to see it.

Latigo Flint was pretty dubious. I told Kid Relish "Yeah Kid, they're sometimes gullible but come on, I don't think to that extreme." Kid just smiled wickedly and said, "You'll see Latty - they'll all fucking see... and then they'll pay for their petulance with their lives."

As I turned to leave, Kid Relish tried to smash me in the Adam's apple with a vicious elbow chop, but I was expecting it and a blazing hand slapped thigh. Kid rubbed the bruise on his arm where my pistol had struck, grinned his wide-eyed maniacal grin, and trotted away.

16 Comments:

At 5:56 PM, Blogger darthmoridin said...

Kid Relish is a plagiarist.

 
At 6:49 PM, Blogger Latigo Flint said...

D. Mor: Kid Relish does frequently accost writers on the street and pummel them about the face and head with a cricket bat until they agree to sign away their ideas to him.

Perhaps that's what happened to whomever you're thinking of.

 
At 7:23 PM, Blogger Blog ho said...

Great idea. It's slick and violent, two good things. I wonder if Kid speaks Spanish, though.

 
At 9:54 PM, Blogger Kid Relish said...

Sí I que coge habla español! Y voy a rasgar fuera de los ojos del goddamn de cualquier persona que lea mi idea de la película en el poste antedicho.

Un punto especial en infierno es reservado para ese pedernal cojo de Latigo Flint para fijarlo sin mi permiso!!!

 
At 10:40 PM, Blogger Gil The Carnie said...

Yes yes yes! Score One For Pedro! Yes!

 
At 8:36 AM, Blogger Bottle Rocket Fire Alarm said...

"Pedro Gonzales, a deaf, blind and mute soccer goalie"

Hmmm. I think a lile genre blending would really spice things up. Maybe if the movie included some medieval torture it could sweep the Golden Globes.

If Pedro got stretched on the rack into a paper thin wail of agony flapping in the wind, he could be stretched and lashed to the goalpost. All soccer balls would trampoline back out, striking the kicker in the face.

I would buy a ticket for that film. On opening day.

 
At 8:40 AM, Blogger Bottle Rocket Fire Alarm said...

My Ts were stolen. Likely by Kid Relish. You bastard. That should read "little genre blending."

Thank you.

 
At 10:19 AM, Blogger Mere Existence said...

For promoting the movie, perhaps they can set up a mobile soccer goal, in which you get to kick balls at a blind, deaf, and dumb man.

 
At 10:55 AM, Blogger Lightning Bug's Butt said...

I think it's high time you check Kid Relish into a roach hotel.

 
At 10:57 AM, Blogger Lightning Bug's Butt said...

Kid Relish doesn't have a blog?

Well, he does have an adorable pet name for Latigo.

 
At 7:49 PM, Blogger Latigo Flint said...

Excellent ideas Bottle Rocket! I recommended to Kid Relish that he fly to Chicago this instant and hire you to direct. He mumbled something about burning the entire city to the ground just to make sure he gets you.

Mere and LBB, I'm pretty sure I was able to turn off the monitor before he read your comments.

 
At 7:51 PM, Blogger Latigo Flint said...

(he is not well you see)

 
At 9:49 PM, Blogger Bottle Rocket Fire Alarm said...

You tell Relish that I'll contaminate him with ketchup before he can reach for his matches.

Besides, only Mrs. O'Leary's cow has ever succeeded in torching this fine metropolis. If Relish would undergo a bovine conversion, I'd give him a chance at arson out of respect for his sacrifice.

I, for one, could not deal with rough-handed farmers yanking my tender udders at sunrise daily.

 
At 11:47 PM, Blogger Kilroy Trout said...

At first it seemed Relish and Flint were a bit like Blondy and Tuco. But no, Blondy would never have gouged out Tuco's eyes.

 
At 10:11 PM, Blogger Cad Grublygold said...

If you need a kindly hobo in the film to lift the heros flagging spirits you know were to find me......course I'm not all that kindly when I drink...which is always

 
At 10:14 AM, Blogger MJ said...

A-ha! The pinball wizard has such a supple wrist ;-)

 

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