Monday, March 14, 2005

You Know The Band Will Play Copland, Aaron

Latigo Flint recently noticed that it's downright hard to find a question in a textbook or standardized test that can't be answered within seconds if you know how to use a search engine. What's the formula to calculate the volume of a cone? Hell, one of the top three links is a goddamn cone volume calculator.

So some people might argue that now more than ever, children need to understand the potential applications of the subjects they're studying in school - they need to know why someone would want to know the volume of a cone? To whom and in what types of professions, would the volume of a cone be beneficial? Not simply how to do it.

But Latigo Flint isn't one of those people. No, Latigo Flint would argue that now more than ever, school children need to know how to be squinty-eyed gunslingers because the ever-widening dispersal of information and knowledge ensure there'll be a lot more asshole know-it-alls in the future, and someone's gonna have to pistol whip a little civility into 'em.

All will be welcome at Latigo Flint's Squinty-Eyed Gunslinger School, except the Irish. Latigo Flint has been haunted by a reoccurring dream in which he's out-drawn and gut-shot by a teenage Irish girl with long, flame red hair and a mocking smile for so long now that he's beginning to fear it's prophetic.


At 8:34 PM, Blogger Gil The Carnie said...

Whatta' bout ice cream vendors? They'ed need ta' knows 'bout cone volume. Likes da' kid at 31 Flavors whos perpetually under fillin' ma' cone.

At 9:09 PM, Blogger Rasmus said...

How much do you charge?

And would there be living quarters at the school?

At 9:26 PM, Blogger amandapants said...

Hahahaha! An Alma.. That Maters! hhahahah! ha. ha.
oh, that hurts me.

At 9:42 PM, Blogger 1031 said...

No Irish is cool by me, but how 'bout Jews? I've always wanted to be a gun-slingin', Manischwitz-swiggin', Kabbalah-practicin' Jewish cowboy. Lifelong dream, I swear.

At 10:12 PM, Blogger Latigo Flint said...

(you backed LF down APants - who'd a thought they'd live to see it. 'Course I was dread-shuffling drunk at the time, and you can be vicious mean when you want to be.)

At 9:25 AM, Blogger Teaspoon said...

Hey LF,

Just go on google and search for "pistol whipping civility into asshole know-it-alls." There are actually a lot of sites set up just for that purpose.

Also I am not so sure that the reacurring dream is prophetic so much as it is something that has already happened in the past, but the girl that I am thinking about might not have been Irish, but she definitely had the hair and the mocking smile. What do you think?

At 10:48 AM, Blogger Lightning Bug's Butt said...

I regret learning Irish people won't be allowed in your revolutionary Gunslinger School.

Drunks make such fine pistoleers.

Email me a syllibus.

At 12:55 PM, Blogger Myster said...

Are the Irish allowed to post, at least? I wouldn't want to sully your blog with my dirty Mick blood. I see how it is, Flint. I'm going to call all my flame-haired friends and cousins and we'll be gunning for you. So sleep with one eye open.

At 6:13 PM, Blogger darthmoridin said...

Well, at least you didn't besmirch the Swedes. Then I'd be having words with you. The Irish? They're fun to drink with, but they smell.

At 7:15 PM, Blogger Latigo Flint said...

Exactly Gil, now you've got it.

How much you got Rasmus? Students will be assigned a bedroll and pointed in the direction of the Tujunga Wash (a northern tributary of the LA river.)

Oh 1031, Jews are most welcome! If you get a chance, rent the fine documentary film, Blazing Saddles. Other than me of course, Gene (The Waco Kid) Wilder may be one of the greatest squinty-eyed gunslingers of all time.

What do I think Teaspoon? I think it sounds a little like you're callin' Latigo Flint a liar!

Exactly right LBB! I'd tend to say they make the best pistoleers, but dern it, close enough.

It was not my intent to offend Myster. But as a precaution I must insist. Being outdrawn and gutshot would be bad enough - but having it be by a former student, or former student's daughter would simply be unbearably cliché.

It's all relative D. Mor.


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