Friday, July 22, 2005

Behind These Walls

I just discovered where Kid Relish, my relatively trusty sidekick, has been these past few weeks. Turns out Kid Relish has been busy pitching his latest screenplay, Behind These Walls, all over town.

Kid Relish describes Behind These Walls as a hilarious, moving and at times thought provoking, dramatic comedy about a clerical error that incarcerates ten-year-old Tyler Sanders and Chloe, his precocious seven-year-old sister, in a maximum security Federal penitentiary.

Kid Relish pitches it as Home Alone meets American Me. He claims that since everyone likes prison dramas and everyone likes clever fish-out-of-water stories about wisecracking little kids, it’s just a matter of time before someone puts it all together and makes a grip of box office money.

The rumor is a junior script reader over at Warner Bros started retching uncontrollably by page two and hasn't shown up at work for over a week now.


At 12:32 AM, Blogger Kid Relish said...

Hey asshole, she was retching for joy at having found a blockbuster script!

At 6:27 AM, Blogger Jinxy said...

I'd pay to see Maculay Culkin get a knife up his ass from Edward James Olmos.

At 6:30 AM, Blogger Jinxy said...

Uh, that sounded a lot weirder than what I meant, but if you've seen the movie you know what I'm talking about.


God, I'm an idiot.

At 9:28 AM, Blogger OldHorsetailSnake said...

I think the script needs a little help. Have The Kid add Momma, some pickups, and something about the Baltimore & Ohio railway. I don't think adding a snake scene will be of much help.

At 10:43 AM, Blogger Blog ho said...

remember that scene when sean penn beat the shit out of that guy w/ a pillow case and coke cans! oh, that was funny.

At 1:03 PM, Blogger Ghost Dog said...

Hm. The premise doesn't lend itself to an Ennio Morricone score. Maybe Hans Zimmer or that guy from Devo.

At 5:03 PM, Blogger darthmoridin said...

Kid Country Dijon has a future in this town.

At 10:20 PM, Blogger Cindy-Lou said...

Kid Relish's profile picture is highly sexy and mildly disturbing. It will haunt me.

At 5:59 AM, Blogger Amandarama said...

I often dream about sending a couple of my kids off to a Federal Penitentiary. I doubt suppose he could be persuaded to turn this into a documentary?

At 7:02 AM, Blogger Dave Morris said...

I'm currently sporting a case of the shakes worse than Michael J. Fox on a mechanical bull from the intense level of alcoholic intake last night - so I will just wish you well and say I'd like to see that movie when it comes out.

Peace out.

At 2:19 PM, Blogger Trevor Record said...


I've read most of your archives, and I've come to the conclusion that this is quite possibly the greatest internet entity in human history. I say this not to stroke your ego, as I'm sure you are already very aware of this fact. I am saying this so that others who are new to this internet publication are aware that they are commenting on what will one day become standard reading material in high-school English classes accross the planet.

At 8:49 PM, Blogger Latigo Flint said...

Keep telling yourself that Kid.

Don't even sweat it Quad J. I knew exactly what you meant.

When in doubt Old Hoss, Lesbian Scene. (I think I read that somewhere in Spielberg's autobiography.)

Bad Boys was a mighty fine film Ho. Mighty fine. Esai Morales was at the top of his game with his portrayal of Paco Moreno.

Ghost Dog, the Kid claims he's already had several meetings with a very excited James Newton Howard.

DMor my old amigo! So very nice to hear from you. I'll pass your kind words on to The Kid. I'm sure he'll accept them warmly. He's always had a soft spot for you, you know? Probably because you were the one who invented the titanium pimpstick.

The Kid's been practicing Cindy-Lou, his Squinty-Eyes are almost as fine as mine... almost.

The Kid says he would Amandarama, but only if he's gets to appear on Maury Povich to promote it. (Actually that doesn't make any sort of sense. I don't think Kid entirely understood the question.)

Hello Dave. Hope your hand has steadied by now. Don't hold your breath by the way, Kid Relish starts many things but rarely sees them through.

Trevor, I have the utmost respect for anyone who can actually make it through my archives. (I wasn't lying when I said every few pages or so my protagonists tend to get attacked by rabid woodland creatures, was I?)

Nonetheless, I am moved and hopefully inspired by your kind words. You may be my lawyer and cohort if you like. You already look kinda like a Canadian Benicio Del Toro.


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