Friday, July 15, 2005

A Sexy Fall

There is a cliff out on the edge of town that Latigo Flint knows he could fall off and survive. Latigo Flint knows this to be true because once Latigo Flint fell off that cliff and he did not die.

Falling off cliffs and surviving is very sexy. Cute girls are extremely attracted to a man who falls off a cliff and survives. Consequently, you'd have to really search hard in the scrubby mountain range just north of Los Angeles to find a cliff or rocky incline that Latigo Flint hasn't tumbled down at one time or another.

But Latigo Flint isn't a braggart - no Ma'am, that simply ain't the Squinty-Eyed Gunslinger way. A cute girl could be on an afternoon stroll with Latigo Flint past the bases of ten cliffs that Latigo Flint has toppled off and never once hear about it from him.

Unless of course the subject of falling off cliffs happens to come up naturally in the conversation.

"So I think my mother and I are just now learning to accept that we won't ever totally understand why the other does certain things."

"Uh-huh, uh-huh. Wow, that certainly is a steep and jagged slope over there."

"And so everything doesn't always have to be such a strain and drama like it used to be."

"Oh sure, that's great. Hmm, looks like it's about 60 feet from that granite ledge down to the rocky canyon floor."

"Because, it's so funny, in a lot of ways my mother and I are exactly alike, but then-"

"Yeah, neat. Hey, I'm going to take my shirt off now and get some of this great sun on my shoulders... Of course, this giant rock-shaped scar on my left shoulder doesn't ever tan quite the same color."


"So you, your mother, reconciliation... Good stuff. You know, that's exactly like the time I fell off that big cliff over there."

(The girls find it dead-sexy I tell you. They're instantly smitten.)


At 8:13 AM, Blogger Dave Morris said...

I once stubbed my toe on a rock and got an immediate BJ. So I know what you're saying.

At 8:22 AM, Blogger OldHorsetailSnake said...

Can you also fall off a tall building in a single bound?

At 12:51 PM, Blogger Blog ho said...

what about falling out of bed?

At 1:36 PM, Blogger slarrow said...

Alas, Latigo, it may be those smitten women swoon merely because you mention the mom reconciliation stuff. Women put a premium on that whole "listening" thing, and in this day and age, just a little is just enough.

Gone are the days where a strong yet demure woman would be proud to have such a tough man. Toughness is out of fashion, and I fear you may be misidentifying the source of the smittenness (and buying yourself a lot of pain in the bargain.)

Still, if you've already fallen off the cliffs, just tell the women it was to retrieve the contents of a lady's purse. 8 out of 10 women will be suitably impressed that their possessions are thus safeguarded. (The other 2 will want to know if you found the mascara tube they bought on eBay because that's the only way they could find that shade. Avoid such women, especially in Starbuck's and if they have red hair.)

At 1:45 PM, Blogger Tigerlily said...

You know what Latigo? That is DEAD SEXY. Kind of like having a war story to tell, where you carried three men out of the jungle on your back after you had lost your leg, and using only your teeth, thwarted off a band of henchman.

I heart you Latigo.

At 7:18 PM, Blogger Trevor Record said...

Falling off of water towers is also sexy to the ladies, I hear.

At 11:38 AM, Blogger Cindy-Lou said...

I'm already smitten.

At 1:23 PM, Blogger Ghost Dog said...

Remaining stoic, or even grinning or making jokes when being poked with needles and/or having tape ripped off your hairy forearms is also attractive to cute girls.

Heck, just waking up and looking around at the other patients just out of surgery got me a wink from a nurse.

At 5:06 PM, Blogger Noir Muse said...

So true Mr. Latigo, so very true.

Women do become quickly smitten with men bearing large scars. It's quite inevitable, as we all know, this innate response helps us to quickly rate the masculinity factor for a group of men at any gathering.

For fellas who have a fear of heights or live in the flat states of Kansas, Nebraska, Iowa, or Illinois and thus bear no sexy scars, I have your solution. I have opened my own back-alley shop where your dream scar can be realized. I use the latest back-alley techniques on the body part of your choice. A photoshop picture of you in “recovery” and coaching on how to tell the ladies about your fall are both included. Your choice of whiskey or tequila for the anesthesia/disinfectant.

(Side note: Men fall all over themselves for enterprising young ladies with infrequent masochistic tendencies.)

At 9:44 PM, Blogger Latigo Flint said...

Hey Dave! Dern it, you said your Zippo lighter had fallen down your pants during the stumble. I was just trying to light my Marlboro!

You know it Old Hoss, and tip my hat to every office receptionist on the way down.

Okay, it's true I excel at that as well Ho. I'd prefer it wasn't well publicized though.

These are glorious observations Slarrow. I may now be inclined to re-think my modus operandi for potential copulation scenarios.

Well shucks Toren... I heart you too. (I'm a real fool for girls who recognize my dead-sexiness!)

Dern straight it is TrevorR, dern straight. (But with a haircut as sexy as yours, you probably needn't bother.)

I had you at "Cowboys are lonesome..." didn't I Cindy-Lou?

Your ankle injury was one of the dead-sexiest things I've ever seen Ghost Dog. It was probably only for your own protection that the nurse managed to restrain her lustful self.

Hello Muse. Good to hear from you. This sounds like a tremendous plan you've got here. I don't have a single free inch of unscarred skin, but you know I'll be referring co-workers. (And you couldn't be more right there.)


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