Merry Public Stoning
This morning Latigo Flint made the horrendous mistake of wishing the cute barista at his local Starbucks a "Merry Christmas" as she handed him his mocha chip frapuchino. You could almost hear a whooshing sound as a dozen conversations abruptly contracted, then slowly reassembled as a rumble of mob rage in the throats of the lethally offended patrons and staff.
Yet unaware of his grievous faux pas, Latigo Flint exited to the parking lot, but halfway across he was caught from behind and publicly stoned to within an inch of his life.
A retroactive Permit of Demonstration was granted to Latigo Flint's attackers by a local judge and no charges will be filed. The ACLU is considering litigation against Latigo Flint for violation of civil rights, violation of the Separation of Church and Coffee act of '98, and inciting a riot.
A very Happy December to all my faithful readers and friends.
(Oh crap, what have I done?! I just said FAITHful; I'm really fucked now!!!)
posted by Latigo Flint @ 3:46 PM
2 comments
2 Comments:
Dear Latigo,
If a god-fearing man (such as yourself) shoots (in the fastest way possible) a bunch of whiny agnostics (such as the ACLU), is that considered a sin? If not, does the Big Guy consider it atonement for prior mis-deeds? Not that you have any on your record, of course.
Dear Darthmoridin,
Thank you for taking the time to write to Latigo Flint.
Just so the record is straight, Latigo Flint doesn't fear God. Latigo Flint isn't afraid of anything. (Although spiders do make him a little uneasy.)
Latigo Flint simply gets a little riled when some folks see fit to abolish something that other folks believe strongly in, 'specially when that belief ain't hurting anyone and you don't have to listen if you don't want to. And anyway while we're on the subject, Latigo Flint's speed with a six-shooter is in of itself proof of some sort of Supreme Being. Even Hillary Clinton would whisper "Oh my God" and believe it, if she were to see how fast Latigo Flint can slap thigh and shuck iron.
As to your other questions, Latigo Flint hasn't the slightest idea. Latigo Flint has never claimed to have all the answers, just as he's never claimed to be the Messiah... at least not sober anyway.
Best regards,
LF
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