Monday, December 20, 2004

Latigo Flint - Technical Advisor

The deal isn't completely finalized but it appears that Miramax will be hiring Latigo Flint as the Gunslinger Technical Advisor to Al Pacino who will be staring in the upcoming western epic, A Handbag Full of Lead for Miss Watson.

'Handbag is the story of a riverboat gambler and gunslinger (Pacino) who is wrongfully accused of horse stealing. To escape the hangman's noose, he disguises himself as a woman and goes out west where he takes up residence in a small, sleepy mining community and becomes the town Librarian and Schoolmarm. When the villainous Higgins boys ride into town with thievery, murder and mayhem on their minds, there is only one man who can possibly stand up to them and save the town - that man just has to learn to run and shoot while wearing a dress first.

Latigo Flint and Al Pacino had their first meeting yesterday and it was a tad unusual. Al showed up in his full "Miss. Watson" costume, complete with makeup and parasol. He's committed to fully understanding the dangers a single, middle-aged woman in the old west would face, so he immediately insisted that Latigo Flint simulate an attempted rape on him. But Al also doesn't like people touching him so Latigo Flint had to spend thirty minutes grunting and pawing within millimeters of Al Pacino's dress as hopped around shrieking "you brute" and smacking Latigo Flint on the head with his parasol. When Al switched to scratching and eye-gouging, Latigo Flint politely suggested they try some pistol training now.

This seemed to be the most exciting thing Al Pacino had ever heard. His eyes bulged out of his head and he hollered, "DITCH DIGGER DADDIES SAY YES AND SO DO I!!!" at the top of his lungs. Then he turned to Bob and Harvey Weinstein and demanded a real gun and ammunition so he could shoot me. His rationale - his character was going to be shooting a lot of people and he'd need to understand the complex feeling of power, relief and pity when your adversary goes down in a blast of gun smoke, blood and bone fragments.

The Weinsteins stalled by pretended to call local gun shops for an hour while Al wandered around the room naming various objects after actors he's worked with. He was in the middle of a loud argument with Chris O'Donnell the sofa when Bob pointed out that it was 3:00 and time for Al's afternoon nap so the three of them left. As he was leaving, Harvey assured Latigo Flint that they'd talk Al into switching from real bullets to rubber ones, and then he quadrupled Latigo Flint's pay.

It's nice to have a little extra money this time of year so Latigo Flint is determined to stick it out. With any luck Latigo Flint will live to regret this decision.


At 9:14 PM, Blogger Noir Muse said...

Whoa. Al Pacino asks to be assaulted while donning a dress and wielding rubber bullets. Sound’s a little dangerous, hum? Good luck with that one.

At 9:12 AM, Blogger darthmoridin said...

You've got to watch out for those method actors, dude. Their powder isn't dry.

At 10:02 PM, Blogger Myster said...

Tell me about it. I was raised by a Method actor. I still have the scars.


Post a Comment

<< Home