Wednesday, March 16, 2005

Bee-Boo-BeepBeepBeep (Green-Blue-RedRedRed)... BLAM!!!

Hey, dern it - Latigo Flint knows that the object of that there quad-colored electronic game, Simon, is to touch the pads in the corresponding order they flashed. Latigo Flint was simply partaking in his own, invented version of the game called: "Shoot the beeping, flashing thing until it fucking stops beeping and flashing."

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Latigo Flint isn't going to any more parties, they're tiresome and they're a devalued currency. 150 years ago in the American Old West there were two, maybe three parties a year. You rode for days to get to one. They had a purpose - actually multiple purposes: Acquire a spouse. Prove your pugilistic skills. Win livestock in the distance spitting competition. See if Ol' Fiddlin' Fred could still fiddle with a bullet in his knee etc. - the point is, whatever it was, you had that night to do it or wait 'till next Spring. There simply wasn't enough time for sarcastic little hipsters to pretend to enjoy a 20 year old toy for the amusement of other sarcastic little hipsters.

(And, come to think of it, Latigo Flint has a feeling that if you plotted the number of sarcastic little hipsters on the same graph as the number of families owning cows that needed a' milkin' every morning you'd see a stark, perfectly proportional X, but that's a drunken thought for another evening.)

What was Latigo Flint saying? Oh yes - apparently shooting a beeping flashing disk out a sarcastic little hipster's hands is a: "Party foul". And if you believe the cluster of indignant female party-goes who showed Latigo Flint the door, he's a: "Grumpy, pathetic weirdo, desperate for attention."

They slammed the door before Latigo Flint could deliver his witty comeback, which was going to be: "Oh yeah? Well-" and then wooden deck chair thrown into pool.

8 Comments:

At 11:42 AM, Blogger Lightning Bug's Butt said...

Latigo Flint's blog isn't only entertaining, but it'll learn you something, too.

I learned the definintion and traditional usage of the word "pugilisitc."

Sorry those C-bombs escorted you to the door.

You'll find breaking a Simon apart with your bare hands is just as satisfying as putting a bullet in one.

Experience talking, here.

 
At 12:39 PM, Blogger darthmoridin said...

Was it a teak wooden deck chair? Like from the Titanic? Those are valuable. You should pick one that has a hottie sitting on it, dump her in the pool and then run off with it during the commotion that would ensue. You make your point and get a furniture upgrade at the same time.

 
At 2:21 PM, Blogger Teaspoon said...

I was nearly state Simon champion when I was younger.

By nearly I mean that I could last longer in that infernal game then anyone else in my family or group of friends.

That means that I was the cool one right? Hello???

 
At 5:17 PM, Blogger Cad Grublygold said...

Aside from being iritating, the Simon Sez makes a poor life saving device. the other day some poor chap was drowning in my creek, so I tossed him one and he sank like a stone. Hell it's round and plastic, I thought it a good Idea at the time..........course, nailing him in the head with it may not have helped either.

 
At 10:34 PM, Blogger amandapants said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 9:30 AM, Blogger amandapants said...

Important Note:
This particular posting is not as funny when verbally relating it to another individual. I even attempted to re-enact what the deck chair throw would look like, but all I got was a sympathetic smile. (Sigh...)

 
At 7:04 PM, Blogger Blog ho said...

I was going to tell amandapants that I"m from Argentina and also love the Cohen brothers but she made me so damn mad with her last comment that I can't. Sorry amandapants. No puedo. Yo no soy manenero. Me intiendes? Soy capitan. Soy...capitan.

 
At 9:31 PM, Blogger Latigo Flint said...

Thank you LBB. Like a teacher at a novelty traffic school, I want people to enjoy themselves while they learn.

D.Mor, it was the kind of deck chair that goes: "Ker-splash, eee errr eee errr, flerk, bump" when you throw it in a pool. Is that teak?

There are many types of cool Teaspoon, many types... umm, at least you've got the driving a motorcycle thing to fall back on.

It's the thought that counts Grublygold. (I once threw a drowning man that game, Operation. He received a mild electric shock, swallowed a bunch of water and sank like a stone.)

APants: Sympathetic smiles piss me off. Did you have an abacus handy?

It is muy bueno to hear from you Ho! (Bamba bamba, de-de-de-de-de, baaaamba bamba!) Oooooh yeah! Where's my goddamn serape?!

 

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