Thursday, July 07, 2005

Night Vision

Latigo Flint is good at talking to pretty girls. Talking to pretty girls is one of Latigo Flint's fortes. Latigo Flint talks to them about overland trails and mountain passes. Latigo Flint tells them about how in the Old West, squinty-eyed gunslingers would never, ever stare at a campfire because it would constrict their pupils and then they'd be temporarily blind should an adversary approach from the darkened forest beyond.

Latigo Flint always makes it a point to shield his eyes when the pretty girls light their cigarettes.

"I have many enemies Ma'am." I say when their lighters are safely back in their purses. You can judge a man by the caliber of his enemies you know." The pretty girls are rarely aware of this fact. "It's true" I say, "ask anyone named Earp or McCarty, he'll tell you the same."

Then depending on how much I've had to drink I either stare at shadows, squinty-eyed and wary, or break into tears and grope at the girl's crotch.


At 11:12 AM, Blogger Cindy-Lou said...

I'm going to get you so drunk.

At 11:19 AM, Blogger Dave Morris said...

Does Latigo Flint like girls who smoke? Are they still crotch-grab worthy?

At 1:17 PM, Blogger Blog ho said...

if diamonds were carvable that story would be a carved diamond.

At 2:35 PM, Blogger OldHorsetailSnake said...

Those are worthy topics of conversation for pretty girls. They probably have led too sheltered a life to be told about the range wars you started.

At 3:50 PM, Blogger Lester T. said...

are you asian?

At 10:11 PM, Blogger Lightning Bug's Butt said...

When that happens, do you ever find a penis where the gash should be?

Sometimes that happens, is why I ask.

At 12:44 AM, Blogger Latigo Flint said...

Looking forward to it Cindy-Lou. You should know though that I actually need very little help when it comes to getting drunk.

Dave, hell yeah they are! (You don't have to shower when you date a smoker you know.)

But diamonds aren't carvable Ho.

How the heck do you know about that Old Hoss?!

Howdy Lester! Should I be? Is it the squinty-eyed part? It's the squinty-eyed part isn't it? Clint E. has permanently squinty-eyes and he's not Asian. Of course that's neither here nor there for I am in fact Samoan. I'm a Squinty-Eyed Samoan Gunslinger. (Who sometimes tells lies when he's drunk.)

For the last time LBB... a pretty girl was sitting there. She must have gone to the bathroom while my back was turned and then you happened to sit in her chair. (I don't want to talk about it any more!)

At 1:10 AM, Blogger Lester T. said...

yeah, that and the drunken crotch grabbing thing.


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