Monday, June 27, 2005

Hobo Songs

Latigo Flint recently wrote a song that made a hobo happy. Some people believe that since there's no money in it, there isn't any point to writing songs that make hobos happy, but they don't ever say it to Latigo Flint's face. They're scared to. They know that Latigo Flint would probably punch them in the nose if they did.

Latigo Flint doesn't claim to be a great, or even a mediocre songwriter. But you actually don't need to be very good in order to write a song that makes a hobo happy.

Here's a little improvised number that just yesterday Latigo Flint used to bring a hobo much cheer:

You are a hobo sitting still
skittley doo wah wah wah
Can't remember last time you've eaten your fill
Sueby doo mouw brump bump whoh a whoh oh
Tap dance solo now I'm tapping for you
Ram bam tappity tap tappity tap tap
And a tappity tappity tappity tappity tappity tap tap!!!

That hobo was bright-eyed and smiling by "Sueby doo mouw brump bump whoh a whoh oh", and he was positively ecstatic, clapping and stomping his feet as my tappity tappities carried me down the street and through the ornate doors of an opulent restaurant.

Um... I had a point, what the hell was it?

Oh yeah, I remember now: Hobos know, perhaps better than most, that life is but one long melody. Sure, they'll accept your quarters with mumbled gratitude, but they'll forever cherish a personalized song.

(Except for Fred "Fecal-Stank" Shrieksworth who patronizes the intersection of Wilshire and Highland, the 7-11 side. Don't try singing to Fred. Fred "sees" sound waves. He considers them an attack. There's also a very good chance that on any given day Fred will believe you to be Mictlantecuhtli, the skeletal god of death from Aztec mythology.)


At 8:21 AM, Blogger Dave Morris said...

It is difficult to accurately anticipate the effect a good scat will have on the homeless. As I read your story, my mind drifted back to the time when I had to shoot tresspassing carollers.

Shoowop Doowop, Latigo.

At 10:31 AM, Blogger blake.mcstravick said...

Your blog is most excellent, I'll be checking back reguarly! ;)

At 10:57 AM, Blogger Bottle Rocket Fire Alarm said...

You know that old saying "Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day, teach a man to fish and he'll eat for lifetime?"

It applies here, too. Show them how to create rhythyms on those metal drums they use for fire in the wintertime. During the summer, they can be filled with varying amounts of urine to create different pitches and tones.

Maybe you can all collaborate and make videos like Arrested Development!

At 11:14 AM, Blogger Greg said...

I wish more people believed me to be the Aztec skeletal god of death. That would be cool.

At 2:41 PM, Blogger Lightning Bug's Butt said...

Great little song. It has a Graham Parker-esque thing going.

At 8:52 PM, Blogger Cindy-Lou said...

I dare you to audio blog that song.

At 9:07 PM, Blogger Ari said...

The fiery bullets of your wit slay me yet again, Latty.

Also, I'm lovin' the hell out of Dwight Yoakam; thanks for the tip.

Um, not literally, tho. Sorry for that dumpy girl-on-cowpoke mental image.

At 12:42 AM, Blogger Latigo Flint said...

Howdy Dave. A two-bit, tinhorn humorist would intentionally miss-read your comment and pretend to infer you recommend defecating on the homeless... And actually that's exactly what I've decided to do. Let me start again.

Howdy Dave. But won't it really bum the homeless out if we all start taking dumps on them? (Please please, thank you but please save some of that applause for the rest of my act.)

This is exactly the sort of thing I like to hear Blake. You should know I'm absolutely going to hold you to your promise now.

I do know that saying Steve. I drop it every time I argue welfare with hippies. (Then they call me a Nazi for some reason.) Anyway, I very much like where you're going with this. Give me three hobos and a pair of Vic Firths and by golly we'll all be stars! (You should direct though.)

It feels mighty good the first few times Greg, I'm not going to lie.

Well sure LBB. I could sense that Hobo was a big Parker fan, so naturally steered myself, creatively, in that general direction.

Cindy-Lou. It may not be today, it may not be tomorrow, it may not be this year, but I swear on Clint's squinty-eyes that someday I shall do exactly that!

Thank you Ari, but witty I am not. Most of the time my mind is relatively feeble. Nonetheless, Dwight Yoakam is practically a God to me. He has written some of my very favorite songs.

At 12:52 AM, Blogger Cad Grublygold said...

Sorry to post late Flint. Making Hobos happy is the greatest gift you could give...(sniff) bless your kind heart sir...........That said though you might want to use caution when choosing just who you tipity tap around, we hobos are an odd and some times violent lot.


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