Wednesday, June 29, 2005

River Rope Swing Land

You know what's fun? Swinging out over a deep, lazy river on a rope that's tied to a sturdy tree limb and then letting go and splashing down into the cool, clean waters of said river is fun.

Latigo Flint would do that for hours every day if he could.

Know what else is probably really great? Having a female acquaintance who you've known for a while and always secretly admired, and she's never actually seen you with your shirt off before, and then one day circumstances dictate that you must remove your shirt in her presence, and even though she tries to hide it, it's quite plain that she thinks your chest is well formed and quite rippley.

It is for this potential scenario that Latigo Flint does so many push-ups.

Someone should build an amusement park where you get to swing and drop into rivers and also get to remove your shirt in front of female acquaintances whom you've always secretly admired.

That would be a very successful amusement park I think. Almost as successful as Latigo Flint's dream: Squinty-Eye Gulch, a gunslinger themed amusement park where you get to role-play and reenact famous old west gunfights.

Perhaps I shall combine the two and double my profits - Squinty-Eye Gulch first and then a year or two later open River Rope Swing Land right next to it.

Okay, it's settled. Latigo Flint will do it. Latigo Flint is now going to have to ask everyone in LA to stop defecating in the Los Angeles River and its tributaries. Likewise vomit. I'm looking at you Pasadena.

(And find someplace else to toss your dead hookers Glendale!)


At 8:30 AM, Blogger OldHorsetailSnake said...

You could build your rope swing next to the Rio Grande and drop down into the mud. Mud baths are very healthy.

At 9:41 AM, Blogger Greg said...

The dead hookers in the LA river are a tourist attraction, I've heard. The Chamber of Commerce mentions them in a the literature. I think you're in for a tough battle with that one, sir.

At 10:08 AM, Blogger Dave Morris said...

You'll NEVER get Pasadena to cooperate. That in mind, you could use it as a game with stuffed animals as prizes. "Name That Partially Digested Gaack."

Just sayin'.

At 10:54 AM, Anonymous Verity Kindle said...

Come on out to Oklahoma. The rivers and lakes are mostly clean and the people are friendly- River Rope Swing Land would be a big hit- just don't build it in Tulsa- everybody knows how squirrely Tulsans are.

At 1:35 PM, Blogger Other Brother said...

While fun and entertaining, river rope swings can be extremely dangerous when they turn on you. Much like the wild trampoline. I know from experience.

At 3:31 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Why is it only the men who remove their shirts in your River Rope Swing Land? Surely this misses at least half of the point.

At 11:53 PM, Blogger blake.mcstravick said...

You are capital 'F' Funny Latigo. I've linked to your blog from mine, I hope you don't mind.

At 12:46 AM, Blogger Cad Grublygold said...

No offence Kindle old chap, I'm sure Oklahoma has the purest waters in all the land. But I've watched every episode of Cops ever filmed. And people in Oklahoma never wear shirts. Thus in building the park there, you miss all the joy of taking one off infront of a girl you admire.

At 1:22 AM, Blogger Latigo Flint said...

Mud baths aren't just healthy Old Hoss, they're astonishingly healthy. People take them and then they're astonished at how healthy they feel.

Latigo Flint lives for tough battles Greg. I'll get Glendale to stop tossing their dead hookers in the LA River if I have to kill every hooker in Glendale and toss their bodies into the mud of the Rio Grande!

You're probably right there Dave. Pasadena can really be quite bitchy when it wants to be.

You know something Verity K. - I just may do that. How many "Six Flags" are there? Like nineteen? I'll one up those bastards and build a River Rope Swing Land in every dern town with a crick!

This is a very good point O.B. Whether trampoline or rope swing, you must always be alert and never forget that no matter how docile and tame they may seem, this is a wild animal and shall never fully shed violent instincts.

I more or less already know what the chests of my female acquaintances would look like bare Anonymous. (Goodness knows I've imagined it enough times.) The balance of sexual power can only swing back in the male direction by returning to the days where we have regular opportunities to display our well-formed and rippley chests. (Or I'm partially gay. It can only be one or the other I suppose.)

Mcstravick, I do not mind in the least. People who link to me go directly to the top of my Defend This Person Should They Ever Be Attacked By Rabid Wolves List.

My dear Grubly. I don't care if you are kin, you're not allowed to insult the home states of my commenters! Not everyone in OK goes permanently topless - a few of them wear leather vests.

At 1:47 PM, Blogger Lightning Bug's Butt said...

Let me know if you need some VC, Latigo Flint. I love the idea.

At 9:34 PM, Blogger Ari said...

Hey! Don't go cloggin' our Rio Grande with Cali hookers.


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